Taylor Gang

The Big Reveal

2012-02-08T21:20:00.004-07:00

So we had our BIG ultrasound last week and we found out what we were having. . . .

I think this picture says it all:

Yep.

Four boys.

Apparently, that is all we know how to make.

I am excited and scared to death. It is harder than I thought it would be. . . .

I didn't think I would be so unhinged by all the decisions we have to make--should we use Luke's crib or not; should we use his room or not; should we use his clothes or not. Every decision we make reminds us that Luke isn't here.

But there is a flip side to the grief. It is joy. . . . that another wonderful spirit will be joining our family. And although he won't remember it, he is with his amazing brother Luke right now.

It is a wondrous thing that joy and grief can live side by side in my heart.

But, they do.

So Grateful

2012-01-29T19:22:00.003-07:00

There is no way to explain the how grateful I am for my knowledge of the gospel. It has saved me. . .comforted me. . . inspired me. . . and now my children are beginning to put together the principles of the gospel too.

Today, during Sharing Time, we had a guest teach the children about the Plan of Salvation, or what we sometimes call the Plan of Happiness. When we got home from church, Josh went into Luke's room and drew this on the dry erase board.

He drew the Celestial Kingdom. Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and family are there. Today we learned that this is where we want to make it to--the Celestial Kingdom-- so we can be with Heavenly Father and Christ and our families. But Josh added "L.T". . . . Luke Taylor, and a smiley face. It made my cry. This truly is our Plan of Happiness.

And like Josh said. . . we will see him at the Kingdom!

I Wonder

2012-01-26T07:13:00.003-07:00

A blog that I stalk had a post about this picture.

I can't stop looking at it.

I wonder if this is how it is sometimes. Does Luke get to comfort me? Is he around me and I don't realize it. That thought makes me sad. I want to know when he is around me, but to be honest, I can't feel him. I hope he is there. I still talk to him sometimes, but nobody answers. It's just a crazy lady talking to the air.

I miss him. I want him here. I want his new sibling to know him.

But, reality is too strong to change any of my wondering or wanting.

Oh What a Holiday It Has Been

2012-01-01T18:29:00.008-07:00

The holidays have been. . . what's the word. . . different, hard, heavy. . . .these last 2 years. It is hard to be excited about them. We want to be for Josh and Mike. And, at times, it seems like we can remember what it was like before. . . . the excitement, the joy, the blissfully happy moments. Ah, but then grief settles in for a nice long nap and we return to. . . well. . . to life.

But, there have been some good times and I want to share them. The holidays started off with this:

Many of you know that I bought the boys a dry erase board some time ago and it resides in Luke's room. The boys often leave him messages on it. But I just thought these were the best, don't you?

And then there was this:

So many people came to release balloons for Luke on his birthday. We surely do feel loved and supported by our wonderful friends and family!!!

And no one would want to miss this:

Christmas Day! Our boys in their new jammies, big grins on there faces, and love abounding!!

Last, but not least, this:

Most of the Butikofer grandkids. Only 2 are missing. . . the oldest grandchild, who couldn't be there, and Luke. Although this picture hurts the most, it is also the most precious. Look at all those beautiful kids. Family is EVERYTHING!!

So, that is what our holidays looked like and I think it looks pretty good.

Happy Birthday Luke

2011-12-01T09:07:00.006-07:00

Happy 4th Birthday Luke! We love you so much! We so wish we could spend this day with you. I wonder what you would be like as a 4 year old. You had so much attitude at 2 that I think I can imagine!

Holding to my tradition, I want to tell you about the day of your birth. My labor started at around 1:00 in the morning. Mommy and Daddy had a party we went to the night before that I helped with and we suspect that is what put me into labor. We went to the hospital and I was dilated to a 3. So they wanted me to walk around and they even had me sit in a warm tub to see if I would dilate so more. After an hour, I was almost a 4 so they decided to admit me and get things going. And then the waiting began. We waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. I just wasn't progressing. The doctor finally checked me and discovered that you were trying to come out the wrong way; you were face up. So he tried to turn you four times so you were coming out the right way, and you just wouldn't stay. So the doc said that I would just have to get you out this way. So I pushed and pushed and pushed and you finally came into the world at around 4 o'clock. You were a little squirt at just 6 lbs. 6 oz., but we were thrilled to have you here! And we are still thrilled to have you in our family. . .forever!

Something amazing happened today, son. Your dad and I went over to your Aunt Tina's because she wanted to show us something. To our suprise, she and lots of our wonderful friends and family had made blankets to honor your wonderful little life. We are donating them to The Linus Project in your name. The goal was to get 23 blankets, but they did 43 just for you. . . and for us. Every blanket. . . . every stitch. . . all the love that went into making those blankets. . . it's so wonderfully overwhelming. You are loved and remembered by all those people. It is amazing. I am so grateful to them for doing such a loving thing for us.

Luke, we love you. I know you are with us and I know we will be together again.
With all our love,
Your Family

Time

2011-10-30T15:14:00.007-06:00

It has been said that time is the cruelest teacher; first, she gives the test, then teaches the lesson.

Almost 2 years have now gone by since I last saw my Luke. . 2 years. . . 730 days; 17,520 hours; 1,051,200 minutes. He has now been gone from us longer than he was with us.

I have decided that time is a wonderful blessing and a cruel enemy.

During the last two years, I have learned to deal with my grief better. I have learned that I will always have a hole in my heart, but that I can be happy. I have gained a testimony of eternal families. I have grown closer to my husband. Time has helped me accomplish these things.

But, time has also ripped from me precious memories. Josh and Mike continue to grow and learn. The pictures on the wall change as they get one year older. Luke's picture remains the same. He doesn't grow. He doesn't change. I can't hear his laugh. Time has stolen that which was most precious.

"Time is the longest distance between two places."

"Death is one moment, and life is so many of them."
--Tennessee Williams

I love you my Luker boy, my little Cookie Lukey!

At Sunset

2011-09-19T14:15:00.005-06:00

This past week, Brian and I went elk hunting. We did a lot of hiking, waiting, listening, and then more hiking. We didn't get anything, but we did get to spend some good time together. We had many unspoken conversations. We had many spoken conversations. It was good. But. . . I have to say, the best part of the trip for me was being able to see the sunset, at 7000 ft., being level with the sun as it went down. It was, well, heavenly. I feel closer to Luke in the mountains. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel closer to heaven when I am physically closer to the sky. One particular night, I was watching the sun go down from my lofty unobstructed view. It had been raining so there were storm clouds in the sky. I watched as the storm came in, blocking the sun from view. I watched as the storm moved over me, revealing the sun once more. There were also fluffy clouds tinged orange from the sun that remained which I thought was interesting. The storm clouds were moving but the sunny clouds were not. They had been there before the storm and stayed after it moved out. And, of course, being the philosophical girl I am, I related it to my life. Luke, is the sun and fluffy clouds, and the storm is this life. He is always there. But, for now, he is obstructed from my view. But, the storm will pass, and I will be able to see is light once again.

It is like getting a glimpse of heaven.

The First Day of Quiet, a.k.a., The First Day of School

2011-08-30T07:22:00.006-06:00

Ahhhh. . . I think most of us love those all too familiar sounds of bus brakes squeaking, and children playing at the bus stops. That means that school has begun. Now, I LOVE my kids, more than anything. But, there does come a point where the summer gets to be too long and they NEED to go back to school. They need to be learning and running and making friends. It is a good time.

I do miss them during the day. I also very much miss the little man that I should be taking care of while his big brothers are at school. I can almost see him in the picture above, standing with his brothers, wanting to go to school too, waiting at the bus stop with them and waving as they drive away. And, then, running to meet them when they get home.

Someday, we will have the opportunity to make those memories.

I am sure of it.

Empty Arms

2011-07-31T22:25:00.005-06:00

I am having one of those weeks. . . . I just ache to hold Luke. I hate (that is not even a strong enough word) having empty arms. And, no matter what I try to do to fill the void, it cannot be filled.

I try to remember every part of him. I look at pictures and blow them up to see a hand. . . a foot. . . his eyes. . . the hairs on his beautiful head. . . I just need to remember. . . I just need to feel him.

Miss you Luker boy!

It's a LONG One!!!

2011-07-17T14:19:00.009-06:00

The last ten days have been a blur. . . .a crazy, fun blur, but still there was definite blurriness. . . possibly caused by lack of sleep, LOTS (and lots and lots and lots) of driving, and the FUN we had while on our summer family vacation this year.

It all started last Friday when we drove to Idaho Falls on our way to Montana. Why Montana, you ask? Well, one of Brian's sisters was getting married, and the Taylor family reunion was there this year. So, yes, Montana. On Saturday, we drove from Idaho Falls to Bozeman, where the Museum of the Rockies resides. They have dinosaurs and frogs and a planetarium and a gift shop. . . truly, every boys dream! We had a lot of fun and learned a lot too!

Then Sunday morning came, and we were off to Billings, where two of Brian's sisters live. We had a wonderful two days with Brian's Family. We played. We laughed. We cried. Okay, just Mike cried because he crashed with his dad while doing the 3 legged race and got all scraped up, or maybe it was because they lost to Josh and me. Anyway, it was fabulous!

Then, on Tuesday, Brian's sister got remarried. Here are a few pictures of that day. . . .

We drove home to Kuna on Wednesday so that on Thursday we could go to Brian's Aunt's remarriage in the Twin Falls temple. That was a great experience for us to be able to see her happy and excited for that day!

Then. . . . yes, it continues. Then, we went camping Friday and Saturday with some of our great friends. . . if they still want to be friends after our camping experience! We went fishing and tubing and water skiing, top all that off with a wonderful sunburn over parts you never knew you had and you have a good time, my friend.

That leaves us with today, Brian's 38th birthday. Man, he is getting up there, but he can still slalom ski, hike up mountains to get the BIG elk, snowmobile straight up a mountain, jump on the tramp with his kids, build just about anything with wood, so I figure he is doing just fine. Happy Birthday, my B! We love ya!

Now, it is FINALLY the end to this incredibly long post, but I just had to get it all in there. Whew!!!!!!

I'm So Glad That He's My Dad!

2011-06-19T14:26:00.003-06:00

Today I asked Mike and Josh what they loved most about their Dad. Mike said, "I love him. I like to go fishing and camping with him. He is nice to me!" Josh said, "I like him," I said, "Could you tell me a bit more?" Josh said, "Just him." (SMARTALEC!!!) Then Josh added, "I like to play with him!"

I know that Father's Day is very bitter sweet for Brian. He loves us so much and the fact that one of us isn't here, makes this day almost unbearable for him. But. . . he is strong and loving and he carries on. I am so grateful, everyday, for him in our lives. He does his very best everyday and I love him so much!

And, just for a side note, today, Brian was sustained as the 2nd counselor in the bishopric. Crazy, right? We shall see how the next few months go!

Brian, we love you and appreciate you and we are so very proud of you! You are the BEST!

What a Weekend!

2011-06-07T22:42:00.003-06:00

This last weekend, Mike was baptized. Since most of my family was coming, we decided to turn it into the Butikofer Family Reunion 2011 (sounds official, right?). We had so much fun having everyone here--the scavenger hunt, the staying up until all hours of the night, the eating--it was FANTASTIC!

Mike was VERY excited to get baptized. After it was all over, I asked him what his favorite part was, and he said going under the water and being confirmed. He is such a great kid. We love him so much. There were so many people there to help support him and cheer him on. We love ALL of you so much and are so grateful for you!!!!

I knew this weekend was going to be hard for Brian and I. We are really trying to celebrate what we have--two wonderful, amazing, crazy boys that are here, who need us. But. . . . we are always thinking of Luke; there is still a weight to everything we do.

Did you know the last family picture we took of ALL of us was at Josh's baptism two short years ago. Two years ago, Luke was here. He was okay. He was smiling. He was laughing. He was playing. He was here for me to hold.

And now, the picture is so different. The hole in our family so big. . . . but, that is just for time, and not for eternity.

yes.

2011-05-16T23:13:00.010-06:00

When you get married in the temple, you don't say I will, or I promise, or even I do. You simply say. . . . yes.

Fourteen years ago, I said yes. I said yes to a boy I thought I knew EVERYTHING about and who I thought I loved. He was a wonderful, kind and generous guy. We were ready to begin our lives together. Nothing could get in the way of our happiness.

Fourteen years later, Brian is still just as wonderful, just as kind, and just as generous as he was. But, some things have definitely changed. I now absolutely know, without question, what kind of man he is. He is AMAZING. I now absolutely know that I love him beyond ANYTHING words can describe.

This knowledge has come through laughter brought on by nutty jokes and incessant teasing from Brian's hands. Also, from the many "discussions" we have had throughout our marriage, which helped us understand each other better. I can't say we never went to bed angry, but we always resolved our disagreements quickly. And, of course, through the tears we have shed together, through our trials, we have learned how to depend on each other.

To my wonderful husband, my eternal companion, my best friend,

Happy 14th Anniversary! I love you so much! Thank you for making the last fourteen years worth it!

Ahhhh.. . . Josh is Ten!

2011-05-10T18:43:00.003-06:00

I have a book called "So You Want to Raise a Boy". It has been a very valuable piece of literature for me in raising our sons. It has chapters on EVERY year of a boy's life and tells you what to expect as a parent.

The chapter on ten year olds is entitled "The Golden Age of Ten". All I have to say is . . . I hope that's true!!! Josh is a very energetic, but fun kid. He loves, loves, LOVES to tease anyone and everyone, which he gets from his dad! He does have a bit of a competitive streak. . . I have no idea where he got that from!!!

Josh loves school and he excels in most of the subjects, especially math, but his very favorite subject is social studies/science. Josh likes to be inside playing the computer, or building anything with everything he can find!

(I gave Josh a shirt that has this on it, and when he opened it he said, "That is sooo me". It drives his VERY outdoor parents crazy sometimes!)

Josh has come into the oldest role very well. He is starting to be more responsible and be more helpful, which is fantastic for me! He is a rule follower (except for the rules he doesn't like) and he likes to make sure everyone else follows the rules too (maybe he'll be a politician someday. . . lets hope not!).

Joshua, Happy Birthday to our Wonderful Son! We love you so much!

It's Great to be Eight

2011-05-08T06:20:00.004-06:00

Mike turned eight yesterday. I know it is a cliche, but where did the time go?

Michael has always been our laid back kid. He always goes with the flow and he is just nice. Now, that is not to say that he did not get a smidgin of the teasing gene, because he most certainly did.

Mike loves to be outside. He loves to camp, bike, swim, jump on the tramp, play baseball, anything you can do outside, Mike is there.

Another thing to note about Mike. . . GIRLS. I don't know what it is, but Mike is a girl magnent. For instance, my kids get to have BIG, invite your friends birthday party on significant birthdays, 8, 12, 16. . . . so this is Mike's first "real" birthday party. We sat down two weeks ago to make up the guest list. On it are 8 girl names . . . that's it. And they ALL came. I can't figure it out, but Mike has a lot of friends that are girls! Maybe this picture did shape his life?!?

Happy Eighth Birthday Mikey! We love you so much and are so glad you are in our family!

Our Easter Festivities

2011-04-25T19:33:00.003-06:00

This year, the Easter Bunny did not come visit our house, or really, I should say, he wasn't invited. Is that horrible? Am I a bad mom? Well, either way, it just didn't happen. I justified it as being a good thing. I have tried really hard the last 18 months to teach my children what the resurrection is, and what it means for our family. So, the bunny wasn't what I wanted them to focus on. . . but in my defense, they got to go to TWO Easter Egg hunts.

I didn't think that this Easter would be that difficult, emotionally. But, it was. It is hard not to be able to watch Luke scramble around finding candy filled eggs, just to find one, sit down, and eat the contents right there. I miss that so much.

We always set a place for Luke, at the table, on special Holidays. It broke my heart to put out his little cup and spoon and plate, and have no one to be there to fill the space. But more that that, Easter is about the resurrection. And the resurrection is what makes it possible to me to be with Luke again. Without that, there would be no Luke. . . there would be no eternal families. The resurrection makes it all possible and that makes the resurrection so very important to me. I need to know I will be with Luke again or I will not be able to go on.

Here are some pictures of our past Easter Festivities--

Happy Easter Luker Boy!

Take Your Meds

2011-04-07T20:01:00.004-06:00

I went to the temple today.

Everytime I go, I just hope that Luke will be on the other side of the veil.

And he is. . . in a way, I guess. Just not the way I hope for.

I can't wait for the day when he is physically there. I know it will happen. It just has to.

I had a friend say she could tell I was still struggling. Well, its true.

I think this is the best way to describe grief--it is like having a nonterminal, incurable, but mangeable disease. . . like diabetes or asthma.

I will always have grief. But as long as I take my meds--prayer, reading the scriptures, going to the temple, listening to the prophets, talking to WONDERFUL friends--my grief is mangeable, not gone, but manageable. So, yes, I struggle from time to time. I always will. But I'll manage. I'll take those prophet prescribed meds and hope it stablizes me.

And then there are those days when I don't take my meds. I'm doing fine so I go off of them or I don't want to have grief, so I rationalize that if I don't take my grief medication then I don't have grief.

That's when I slip into a grief coma. . . .

And to get out of that takes lots of tears. . . . and cherry pepsi.

There is a quote that says "Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief."

And so would I. The precious memories I have of Luke are irreplaceable. I am eternally grateful I have them and that he is ours FOREVER!

The BIG Reveal

2011-04-01T17:11:00.003-06:00

Brian made a wonderful entertainment center for us when we moved into this house. But as time went along, I, being a girl and all, decided it was time for something different (and a little bit smaller). I looked and found MANY things that I wanted to buy, but Brian was against buying something he could build. But he did consent for me to try to sell the old entertainment center and said he would build another one when the old one sold.

Well, I sold it a couple of months ago. Brian has been working on it pretty much nonstop, unless he was snowmobiling (we must have play with our work, isn't that how it goes?). So, here is the new entertainment center. I am still trying to decide if I love the paint job, which was my thing, but the build of it is EXCELLENT.

Brian--you are AMAZING!

NOTE: The green is a little bit darker that it appears in the pictures-- so what do you think?

Hey. . . Look What We Can Do!

2011-03-28T12:01:00.008-06:00

So, Tina and I went shopping last week. We decided to hit the D.I. to see if there was any furniture we could redo for Tina's house, and we saw this:

Now, most people would look at that and think to themselves. . . "It is an old, ugly, and VERY dirty chair. Who would ever want that? Anyone who would want that chair would have to be crazy!!!" Enter Tina and I into scene. Because we thought, "That chair has potential!" So we took the chair home. And after hours of staple pulling and fabric pulling and hair pulling, we had stripped the chair bare.

Then came the fabric selection process. I must say Tina is really great when it comes to making decisions. . . nope, nope, that's a lie. She stinks at it. But she finally picked out something that she liked, or at least, she hoped she would like, eventually. And, then, it came to the FUN part, putting the chair back together. With power tools in hand, Tina and I set out to finish this project.

All in all, it was a lot of work, but a lot of fun. And now we know we can do it. . . . so now, Tina wants to redo her couches. Deep breath.

When A Picture Says It All

2011-03-22T14:24:00.002-06:00

The other day I was cleaning. I was in the process of vacuuming Luke's room and saw what my kids, along with their cousins, had drawn on the dry erase board.

I stopped. I sat. I thought.

I am grateful they still think of Luke. I am beyond amazed at the faith that they have. The knowledge (and I mean KNOWLEDGE) that they will see Luke again. And, that they know the temple is where eternal families become possible.

I love this picture. . .

So Much Snow. . . So Little Time

2011-03-15T18:52:00.005-06:00

We have had some great snow this year, which has made our snowmobiling trips so fun. This last weekend we took Josh and Mike up to Idaho City for a family day. It was Josh's first time driving the snow machine, by himself, on a trail. And he did great. . . .we only had one minor fender bender and a sore thumb to complain about, but other than that, it was FANTASTIC!
After we got done riding, we took the boys to a big sledding hill in Idaho City. Brian even got into the action (although, he did bruise some areas that we need not mention. . . oh sorry, I mentioned it, didn't I?). And then, after all that fun, we decided to go to Trudy's. If you have never been, I highly recommend it. You can see from the pictures, it is pure yumminess at it's best!

Ahhhhh, family time!!!

Thoughts From Dr. Seuss

2011-02-23T19:20:00.004-07:00

So, lately, I have had a few dark days. My sister, today, had a very hard day. I have friends, that I love and admire, that have some pretty hard stuff to contend with. And so tonight I am reading books to my niece who is 8 months older than Luke, and I think to myself, "Wow, I haven't had to read children's books for 16 months." I hate it when reality smacks you upside the head and says, "Remember me. . . you lost something BIG in your life. . . . you really aren't as okay as you think you are!" But the last book she brought me to read to her was from Dr. Seuss titled "Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?". I want to write you something that struck me:

When you think things are bad,
when you feel sour and blue,
when you start to get mad. . .
you should do what I do!

Just tell yourself, Duckie,
you're really quite lucky!
Some people are much more. . .
oh, ever so much more. . .
oh, muchly much-much more
unlucky than you!

Like Grandpa used to say, things are just the way you think they are. . . .THANKS for the reminder Dr. Seuss!

Once Upon A Time

2011-02-16T21:26:00.004-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl. To show his love, he whisked his girl away to an enchanted chateau. It was a magical place. . . where no kids were fighting and no clothes were waiting to be folded. The rooms magically cleaned themselves and breakfast appeared as if from heaven. To entertain his girl, the boy took her on a magic carpet (motorized, of course) through the trees and hills of the country. Alas, at the end of three days time, it was time to leave the chateau and return to their former existence.

Even now, as the girl folds the piles of unending laundry, and calms the quarreling children, she will think of that magical chateau, and how the boy she loves created a wonderful memory she will cherish.

The Very Happy End!!!!

McCall or Bust

2011-02-08T14:57:00.010-07:00

We had the opportunity this last weekend to go to McCall for a little R & R or should I say S & E (snowmobiling and eating!). It was so much fun. The trails in McCall are amazing. And, it was the ice festival in McCall, so, we got to see a lot of amazing ice sculptures! Thanks to the Elsasser's for a great weekend (I think my eyes have finally recovered from being accosted by the pink suit)!!! Here are some pics of the highlights:

The Pink Suit!!! All I can say is WOW!

It amazes me that even though it was fun and wonderful, that going on a family vacation brings on pain. It shouldn't. But. . . . it does. I have moments when I am sitting there. . . looking at my kids playing. . . .and I remember back to a time, not so long ago, when he was here. I think, Luke should be here enjoying this time with us. I wonder about what he is thinking or doing.

We took Luke on his first snowmobile trip when he was 6 weeks old. He loved the snow. He would have loved to go snowmobiling this year and sledding.

So many memories missed.

So, What Have You Been Up To?

2011-01-30T15:16:00.003-07:00

"So, what have you been up to lately?" I get that question a lot. So much so, that I feel it necessary to show what I have "been up to".

Brian finished make our side tables, so we painted, sanded and stained those. They turned out great!

I have been working on a primitive stitching for my family room, and with the help of Tina, I finished it last week. It turned out SUPER cute!

Josh also received his Bear this week in Scouts. He too turned out to be a SUPER CUTE kid!

So, that, my friends, is what we have been up to. We are forever learning to be content with our new normal. This week it has been a struggle for our whole family. Mike and Josh have been talking about Luke a lot this week. It brings back all the wonderful times we had together, and the pain of "losing" him. I put losing in quotes because we know he is not lost. He is missed, but he is not lost.

Break My Stride

2011-01-04T11:51:00.010-07:00

Oh man, I have fond memories of this song. . . it is my Mom's favorite. She would sing it in the car anytime it came on, and it truly exemplifies her! I was in a kickboxing class last week and the instructor had this song on her playlist. I instantly thought of my Mom and what she and this song had taught me. Many people have asked me, through this experience, how we do it-- how we get up every morning; how we still have faith; how we still laugh, and love, and breath. I believe it is because what I learned as a kid. . . .nothing gonna break my stride; nobody gonna slow me down. . . Oh NO, I got to keep on movin'!

The holidays were difficult. It is hard not to get to see Luke open presents on his birthday or Christmas. I often think about the funny things he would be saying or doing right now. BUT, we keep on movin':

Decorating Luke's tree on Christmas Eve.

Annual decorating of the gingerbread house. YUM!

Josh enjoying his new scooter from Christmas.

Mike loving his present from Santa!

Someone is always missing.

And so, THANKS Mom and Matthew Wilder for helping me keep moving, when sometimes is seems impossible!

Our Bed

2010-12-14T19:17:00.006-07:00

Brian has been working very hard on our new bed. He finally got it done and we set it up last night. It looks beautiful! I love the black! It is funny how something as simple as a bed reminds me of Luke. Luke left a wonderful gift in the last bed we had (for a refresher, look up April 2010-The Toothbrush) and I was so hoping to find something when we moved the mattress last night. But. . . no. . . just memories. I miss him more than the pitiful words we have in the English language can describe. Every word or phrase is inadequate to describe how much I want him back. Brian asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I decided I want the ability to manipulate time. . . so I could go back. . . or speed up the years, so we can be with him sooner. Do you think Santa can deliver that?

Happy Heavenly 3rd Birthday, Luke

2010-11-30T22:43:00.007-07:00

It is a tradition in our family, that on the boys' birthdays, I recite to them the day of their birth--what happened, how we felt, etc. So, to keep with that tradition I shall retell Luke's story to you, for he is not here to hear it himself.

On November 30, 2007, I was partly in charge of the Annual Adult Christmas Party for our ward. I was very pregnant, but wasn't due until December 23rd, so I helped in the kitchen, made sure the program was ready and went on. The night was crazy and I was running around a lot! We got done cleaning up after the party was over, around 9:30 P.M. Not bad, I thought. Brian and I went home to an empty house because Tina decided to let our boys sleep over at her house. I was so tired that I went to bed shortly after we got home. I was having some contractions, but I didn't think much about them. At 1:30 A.M., I started timing them. By 4 o'clock they were three minutes apart and I woke up Brian. And we zoomed to the hospital. I shall fast forward here so as not to bore you. . . . still fast forwarding. . . . wait for it. . . okay, long story short, after 14 HOURS of labor, Luke finally arrived. He was posterior and they tried to turn him 4 times to come out correctly, but he decided to come out the way he wanted to. He was 6 lbs. 6 oz. and 21 inches long. Luke Hulet Taylor had finally arrived in our family on December 1, 2007.

Luke only got to experience one earthly birthday. But it was a big bash. I hosted Thanksgiving in 2008 and decided to tack Luke's 1st Birthday onto the festivities. My entire family and some of Brian's was here to witness this great occasion. Now, as I think back, I am grateful to have had that to share with my family.

Turning over the calendar to December, seeing Luke's Birthday typed right there, and not having him here is indescribable. I thought the more time that passed, the better this would be. Not so. Time has torn his memories from me. I forget a little more every day, and it is unbearable not being able to remember him-what he sounded like, what he smelled like. What I wouldn't give. . . to be with him for this day.

We love you Lukey and wish you a Happy Heavenly 3rd Birthday!

Luke's Angel Day

2010-11-14T19:00:00.006-07:00

On the 1st anniversary of Luke's passing, we decided to have a balloon release. It was a good thing. It was a hard thing. We thank ALL of you who were there with us in person and ALL of you who were there in spirit. I know there were several groups of people who had their own balloon release because they were unable to go to Idaho Falls. We felt your love and continue to feel it. Thank You ALL! We felt so much peace that day; the knowledge that we have that we KNOW we will see Luke again continues to give us strength. We LOVE you ALL. . . you help us more than you will ever know!

Impossible

2010-11-03T07:37:00.001-06:00

What is the HARDEST thing you have ever had to do?

One year ago today, the IMPOSSIBLE happened to me, to Brian, to my family. One year. . . 365 days; 8760 hours; 525,600 minutes; 31,536,000 seconds; 36,792,000 broken heart beats.

I replay the day in my mind, trying to make sense of it. I remember asking the paramedic driving the ambulance "Do these ever turn out okay?" I will never forget his answer, or the look on his face. . . "no, I'm sorry". But that's impossible. He was just learning to talk and he just learned to crawl out of his crib. He is a great fisherman, and loves to tease his brothers. He watches Elmo everyday, and helps me do dishes. He loves to be cuddled, and suck his thumb, and hold his blanket. He makes us laugh and love and be better.

It is impossible that he is no longer here. . . .

Luke,

We will MISS you for a TIME, and CHERISH you for ETERNITY.

We love you son, brother, and angel!

Just Keep Swimming

2010-10-25T19:54:00.004-06:00

Today is one of those days where, I, like Dory, must just keep swimming. To say the least, life is difficult right now and wanting to do anything is hard. But, Josh came up with a great idea. He decided that we should carve pumpkins for Luke and go put them by his tree, our new tradition. So, tonight for FHE, that is what we did. Brian and I were doing well keeping our heads just above water. . . helping the boys carve their pumpkins. But. . . when we got to Luke's tree. . . we could no longer hold our heads above the water. Floods of emotions came. . . drowning us.

But, that is what we will bear, those precious painful memories, because we love him. And we will kick, with all our might, to reach the surface again. . . to endure, because we love him.

Because, this is the face that I want to see for eternity. . . .

The Luke Box

2010-10-12T11:39:00.003-06:00

Shortly after Luke passed, Brian and Nathan decided that they wanted to make a chest just for Luke. . . somewhere we could put Luke's things that we wanted to keep. They worked months and months on it, pouring their blood, sweat, and tears (lots of those) into it. It is finally finished. It is a beautiful chest. I wish we didn't need it.

Shattered

2010-10-05T09:31:00.009-06:00

I have a bit of a personal confession to make. . . on the day Luke past, my faith was shattered. Kind of like a window one shuts to hard or a door that is slammed, there are large shards of glass still intact, or pieces still affixed tightly to the frame, clinging to life. But, there are those pieces that break into a million pieces that, at the time, seemed gone, never be recovered.

I have to teach a lesson in Relief Society in a few weeks on faith in Jesus Christ. I have been contemplating how I would teach this lesson when my faith is so broken. Last night, I decided to study the lesson and read through it. It said the same things I knew and have heard my whole life. That, if one has sufficient faith, a miracle will follow. THAT is the principle I have struggled with the most since Luke's death. Because I prayed, I had faith, and he was not healed. Why? Was my faith not sufficient enough? What about the times when prayers are not answered with the miracle? I set out to find the answer. I got out books written by prophets, specifically I read a book by Thomas S. Monson, written when he was an apostle, about faith preceding miracles. He recounted story after story of people who had faith and prayed and were healed, or saw their crops grow, or miraculously food had come to those who had none. All because of FAITH. And so my question went unanswered. Until this morning.

I woke up at 6 o'clock. There was no reason for me to be awake, but I could not go back to sleep. My mind drifted back to this principle of faith and miracles and again, I thought, how am I going to teach this. Then the thought (I believe revelation) came to me that maybe there was a miracle, just not the one you wanted. I searched my heart for the miracles that have come since that day. . . like the miracle of eternal families; the miracle of love between Brian and I, that our marriage is intact and is strengthened because of this trial; or that of a family in our ward, who decided that they needed to be sealed as a family because of this experience.

The next thought I had was about a prayer. A prayer that was said with much faith, and that didn't turn out the way the prayer giver had wanted it to. It is the prayer that Christ offered in the Garden of Gethsemane "O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless, not as I will, but as Thou wilt." (Matt. 26:39). Did you know that he prayed that same prayer three times? He pleaded with His father to help him, to take away this horrible pain. But Christ added something that I did not to His prayer, "not as I will, but as Thou wilt." And so I do it now. . . "as Thou wilt".

And then the Father answered His prayer the only way He could. And Heavenly Father answered mine the only way He could.

And ever so carefully, my shattered faith, is slowly, line upon line and precept on precept becoming whole again.

The Mighty Hunter Rides Again

2010-09-20T08:14:00.007-06:00

Picture this: You are in the middle of the hot desert, sitting in a box made of your own hand, sweating and cursing the sun. Suddenly, along comes a buck, an antelope buck, not the buck of your dreams but still a "good enough" one. You draw back your bow, let the arrow fly and THWACK, you kill the first animal of your life with a bow.

Now, doesn't that make you tingle with excitement. . . .no? Huh.

Yeah, you're right, only Brian would find that exhilarating. And that is exactly what he got to do.

And to top off his already great season, he shot an 4 x 4 elk with his bow this last week. Now, if he can get a deer, he will have pulled off the perfect season. Can he do it? . . . . stayed tuned.

And I know you are all wondering, "What about Jan?" Well, let's just say she saw, she shot, she hit, she couldn't find it. Insert whimper here.

In Remembrance

2010-08-29T14:53:00.005-06:00

Yesterday, we had a party at Luke's tree with a lot of people from Brian's work. They had purchased the tree for us and also, a "In Remembrance" rock to put in front of the tree. Well, the rock got installed this last week so we all got together to remember Luke. It was a good day. Brian's co-workers have become our friends, and I am so grateful for that support they give to him, everyday, when he is at work. Because, it is not easy for him to be there sometimes. So, to all of you, who support us on a daily basis, be it through prayer or a phone call or whatever, I want to say a big THANK YOU!!!

Today, I was thinking about the phrase "In Remembrance". In the LDS world, we hear it a lot. It is used to help us remember the Savior, his atonement, and all that he made possible for us. I think it must have been wonderful for Heavenly Father to have a way to have His son's name and life remembered. To have that peace that He would never be forgotten. I know that we will always remember Luke with having so much life and love for those around him. We love you, Luke! Forever, For Always, No Matter What!

Hmmmm. . .

2010-08-16T19:00:00.006-06:00

People are always asking me how I am doing. . . which I still really appreciate. . . . I often say "fine, we're doing fine" but most of the time, in my head, I say "Hmmmmm." And, what does that mean? Well, I wish I could explain! I wish I could convey that sorrow that Brian and I feel everyday. I wonder, if I could explain it better, then it would feel better. I would feel better. But I can't explain "it". "It" to me is happiness with a generous hint of despair, laughter with a tear in your eye, moving forward while running backwards. . . what, this makes no sense. . . you are right, it doesn't. It has been 9 months since Luke died. 9 months since I felt him and held him and dressed him and kissed him. Who knew 9 months could be an eternity.

S. Michael Wilcox, who wrote When Your Prayers Seem Unanswered, said "One day, no matter what reason we may have for unhappiness; whatever trial we may face, have faced, or are then facing; one day they will all come to an end. "God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away" (Revelation 21:4). The tears will be wiped away. That end we may hope for. That end we may be assured of. In the meantime we may know that whatever happens he is going to turn it into good for us. Let the mountain waves crash. Life will be sweet eventually."

Life will be sweet eventually. . .

My Robin Hood Experience

2010-08-01T19:14:00.006-06:00

Brian has been after me to start practice shooting with my bow (bow season is only 2 months away, ya know). And so, this is what happened. That's right, look closely. . . that is what we like to call a Robin Hood. I shot one arrow into the other. *SIGH* yep, I am just that good. So who needs to practice now, I ask you?

Picture Perfect

2010-08-01T18:50:00.005-06:00

I love this picture. . . . even though one is missing!

We played King of the Lake; they had to gang up on me to push
me in. . . which eventually they did!

Having fun!!!!

These pictures were taken in the morning, while everyone else was sleeping. The mist is just gorgeous!

We went to Horse Thief Reservoir a few weeks ago for a little family get away. It was a beautiful place with a dock to swim and fish from right in our camp site. The morning I took the pictures of the reservoir it was so peaceful. I wish I could have bottled up that peace. Because as soon as the day started, chaos took over again. But in those few moments of quiet, I did feel at peace with life. . . . although it didn't stay long. The turmoil always over takes the peace. I wonder when that will get better. Will it get better?

Our Summer So Far. . .

2010-07-16T16:35:00.009-06:00

Summer is in FULL swing here at the Taylor house. We have been staying busy with Girl's Camp, reunions, swimming lessons, and just playing around. And the boys had their very first lemonade stand (such entrepreneurs especially when Mike made the lemonade 5 dollars). That last picture was of us "giving" away the beautiful nativity (see "I've been Nativitied" 12/23/2009) that we got last Christmas to one of our deserving friends (Love you Kessingers).

It has been good to get out with Josh and Mike and just have fun. BUT, we miss our Luke something awful. We had A LOT of "firsts" again. . . going camping, going boating, doing anything outside. Oh, how I can imagine how much he would love to play at the lake or roast a marshmallow over the campfire. He would have loved the fireworks, and he would have been a mess after eating some of the gooey chocolate popcorn I make every year. He would be in a big boy bed by now. . .he would look so small on that big bed. The are SO MANY "He would's" in my vocabulary now.

To the memories that we ARE making. . . and the memories that WOULD have been.

So True

2010-06-28T15:48:00.002-06:00

I just finished reading a book by Ann Hood entitled " Comfort, A Journey Through Grief". It was a good book. It described exactly how I am feeling. My favorite part of the book was this:

Grief is not linear. People kept telling me that once this happened or that passed, everything would be better. Some people gave me one year to grieve. They saw grief as a straight line, with a beginning, middle, and end. But it is not linear. It is disjointed. One day you are acting almost like a normal person. You may even manage to take a shower. Your clothes match. You think the autumn leaves look pretty, or enjoy the sound of snow crunching under your feet.Then a song, a glimpse of something, or maybe even nothing sends you back into the hole of grief. It is not one step forward, two steps back. It is a jumble. It is hours that are all right, and weeks that aren't. Or it is good days and bad days. Or it is the weight of sadness making you look different to others and nothing helps. Not haircuts or manicures or the Atkins Diet....Grief doesn't have a plot. It isn't smooth. There is no beginning and middle and end.

It is so true. I have even thought in my mind. . . if I just get through the first year, it will get better. After reading that book, and talking with other people, it never gets better. It is always there. I used to think that couldn't be true. That I just couldn't feel this way FOREVER. That someday, I would be able to be blissfully happy again.

The truth is--THIS is my reality. It will always be there, in the back of my mind and in the forefront of my heart. I must just accept it. Accept it. ACCEPT IT.

Feelings

2010-06-23T12:07:00.003-06:00

What's wrong with me? I'm mad, I'm happy, I'm furious, I'm okay, I'm sad, I'm fine. . . .I'm a lunatic. That's what I feel like right now. I know why. I'm grieving. Well, I'm sick of grieving. And the worst part is it will never go away. I have loved having the rainy and cold weather stay so long. Everyone thinks I am nuts, but I love it and I think I know why. Yesterday, I took the kids to the park and I hated seeing all the families and toddlers. I hate having just memories of Luke. I need him here. I need to hold him and smell him and play with him. It is a physical real need and I can't fill it. There is just emptiness.

Memorial Weekend

2010-06-02T17:57:00.002-06:00

We had a great opportunity to go camping this weekend with some good friends of ours, the Pixtons and the Thomas!! We had a lot of fun riding four wheelers and motorbikes. One day we rode almost 30 miles and Josh rode his Honda 50 the entire time. He was a real trooper!!! Mike learned to hula hoop; I was so proud!

We definitely felt a HUGE hole while we were there. We miss Luke so much. . . everyday. We can't help but think, he should have been there with us. Why is he not with us? Was what he had to do THAT much more important, that he had to leave us? I just don't know. . . .

Luke's Tree in the Spring

2010-05-19T18:43:00.008-06:00

Here is Luke's tree. . . it looks so different than the way I feel. I'm still stagnant. I'm still asleep. And I'm hoping that when I do wake up this will have all been a bad dream. . . .

But, like the tree, that is growing and green, life has kept going. There are times when I am gratefully pulled along by "things". But, there are times when I want to dig my heels in the dirt and say NO. Not without him. Not without my baby. Not without my Luke.

But, Luke is just like the tree. He is alive. He is vibrant. He is still learning and growing. I know this. I do.

But, it doesn't change the hurting. It doesn't change the wishing. It doesn't change the aching.

I guess I am sort of like the tree. . . .when the wind blows through it, leaves still fall off. The leaves are small and some are even brown. The tree still has a long way to go before it is strong enough to withstand the wind and the cold. I still have a long way to go. I hope I will become strong again, or just, strong enough.

Thrilling Thirteen

2010-05-17T07:21:00.004-06:00

Today Brian and I have been married thirteen years. And, oh, what an amazing ride it has been. For those of you who don't know, Brian and I met at the hospital in Idaho Falls. I was but a mere senior just 17 and he was home from his mission, a more "mature" 22 year old. Well, I thought he was cute and wanted to go out with him. So Cameron and Tari set us up. That first date was 14 years ago.

Almost half my life has been spent with Brian. I am constantly amazed at what he does, all that he can accomplish in a day. He is such a hard worker and is so talented. We are best friends. I love that we can communicate without even talking. . . all he has to do is shoot me a look and I know exactly what he is thinking. The trials that we have gone through and are going through now have made us closer. I cannot imagine a world that he is not in! I love you Brian!! Happy Anniversary, My B!!

Josh's Nine

2010-05-10T16:11:00.005-06:00

WOW!!!!! Our oldest is nine. . . just nine years ago today, we had our first kid! He has been, shall we say, a rambunctious kid from the very beginning. He loves life and learning. We are so glad he is in our family. Here are nine nitty-gritty facts about Josh:

1. His favorite color is blue.

2. His favorite food is cheeseburgers.

3. He is a commonly called "The Mayor"

4. He LOVES the computer or DS or anything closely related!

5. He loves to read.

6. He loves to tease!

7. He is good at drawing!

8. He hates PDA! (just like his Dad)!

9. He is an excellent student!!!

We love you so much buddy!!!

Mike's Seven

2010-05-07T07:59:00.004-06:00

Mikey's seven today!!! I can't believe it! Mike has always been our laid back, very loving kid!!! He is such a wonderful kid and we are so glad to have him in our family. Here are 7 FANTASTIC facts about Mike:

1. He is loving!

2. He is our Outdoor Kid-he always wants to be outside!

3. He has a very high voice for which he gained the nickname Beaker!

4. His favorite color is red!

5. He has the same size foot as Josh!

6. He knows all the girls names in his class, but none of the boys! Hmmmmm!!

7. He is the same height at 7 years old as Josh was at 8 years old!

We love you so much Mike!!!

6 Months

2010-05-03T08:12:00.004-06:00

Has it really been 6 months? Wow. It feels more like 6 days. . . .and then, sometimes, more like 60 years. A definite line has been drawn in the sands of our life. On one side is life with Luke and on the other is life without him. I hate it. I know that this is my reality now, and that I need to accept it, but I don't want to. I still catch myself doing things as if he were still here. Yesterday, the boys came in the house and let the door slam shut and I almost yelled at them not to wake up their brother, then I remembered. . . how can this be my life? It hurts more than I can describe. I want answers to questions that probably can never be answered in this life. I found this excerpt from a blog that I love and wanted to share it:

I know you've heard this analogy before, but I often think of the brother of Jared (in the Book of Mormon) and his lengthy trip to the promised land. Those boats could not have moved without the fierce wind and tempests. With still water they would never have reached their destination. But when they were in the depths of the sea, tossed about by the very winds that were carrying them to the promised land, the winds that their Lord could command to cease, they did cry unto the Lord and "he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters." And even while they were tumbling in the water for over a year, "no monster of the sea could break them." And when they reached their destination, they praised the Lord and did "shed tears of joy" because "of the multitudes of his tender mercies over them." It is a wonder to me that they did not curse the Lord and ask why they couldn't have traveled another way, a more gentle way. But I think they recognized the necessity of the constant wind--"the wind did never cease to blow toward the promised land." This storm, this tempest, this fierce wind, this complete upheaval in your life is moving you toward the promised land. And God will bring you forth again upon the top of the waters.

I hope I get to the promised land quickly. . . .

And the Winner Is?

2010-04-25T19:22:00.003-06:00

Not Josh. . . . we just had the annual cub scout pinewood derby this year and sad to say, Josh did not place. Brian and Josh and Mike had lots of fun doing their cars (Josh's was The King from Cars and Mike's was a triceratops car) but they just weren't fast enough. The kid that won actually borrowed his car from someone else. . . maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. But, nonetheless, here are some highlights:

I Did It!!!

2010-04-19T18:48:00.005-06:00

Here are some pictures of the course. . . they put up

"inspiring" signs like this all over!

After 8 weeks of training, I did my first 1/2 marathon. It is called Robie Creek, and is the hardest 1/2 in the Northwest. You have to run the first 8 miles up a mountain and then go down the back side the last 5. It was tough, but I got it done in 2 hours and 48 minutes. I was a good experience, except it does mess with your self-esteem a little when 60-70 year old guys can beat your time, but hey, there is always next year!

The Toothbrush

2010-04-11T22:35:00.002-06:00

Tina and I had the wonderful opportunity to go to Salt Lake City for our birthdays this weekend. It was a very enlightening trip. . . we got to go to a temple session, which, when we got done, we got to go to a special room that sits behind the Holy of Holies-it was awesome! We got to hear MOTAB perform, and sing "You'll Never Walk Alone". It was inspiring. But, the only drawback to going to Temple Square on a Saturday is that there are a lot of weddings, and where there are a lot of weddings, there are a lot of families. . . lots of parents running around after their toddlers. . .it made me miss Luke. But, tonight I was reminded that he is with us.

I had put our old lamps on Craigslist tonight to see if I could sell them. Well, it only took 2 hours and someone wanted to buy them. He came to pick them up and I mentioned to him that we also had a log bed for sale, which he wanted to see. While I was showing him how the metal bed frame is attached to the log bed frame, I found Luke's old toothbrush wedged on the side where the bed skirt hangs. . . .

Here is the kicker. . . I had, just last week, stripped that bed to wash all the bedding and flipped the mattress and even vacuumed where that toothbrush was and never saw it until tonight.

I remember when I bought that toothbrush, because he only had it for a few days before he lost it. . . . . . .for me to find. . . . . tonight. . . .when I missed him so much. And if all that isn't enough, the toothbrush has Cookie Monster on it with the word Cookie.

We sure do miss you Cookie Lukey. Thanks for stopping by, son. We love you!

April Foolin'

2010-04-01T17:38:00.003-06:00

Today started with Josh waking me up at 6:56 saying "Wake up Mom it's 6:30 and we are going down stairs to watch TV. . . April Fools!!!" because it was actually 7:00. I tried all day to come up with a BRILLIANT joke to play on them, but could not find one that was good enough. Then Tina, amazing, wonderful, deceiving, Tina, came up with a plan. Let's make April Fool's dinner. . . a feast of grilled cheese sandwiches made of sliced pound cake, toasted, and then filled with orange frosting. And cupcakes made of meatloaf with mashed potato frosting. It was great. . . they never knew what hit them!!! Here are the results:

mikes tooth.MOD

2010-03-22T20:12:00.001-06:00

The Extraction

2010-03-22T19:01:00.005-06:00

Mike has had a VERY loose tooth for several days. . . . he wouldn't let anyone touch it, or try to pull it out. So tonight we got him to agree (with MUCH coercion) to allow Brian and I to try an experiment. See what you think. I think Brian and I could open a teeth pulling business. We could call it Cuspid Collectors, or Chomper Choppers, or my favorite, Pearly White Pluckers. See above video!!

Condo Time!!!

2010-03-16T21:50:00.006-06:00

Has it really been a month since I last blogged? Where does the time go? Well, I wanted to tell about our fun times at the condo this year. And getting to the condo was one of the most exciting parts this year. The Expedition decided to blow a spark plug on the way, just before Ashton. But we got it fixed and made our way to Island Park. The days were filled with snowmobiling and sledding and swimming. . . .and some great family time. We also got to visit our little Luke. . . which we really needed to do. It's funny, because although we feel him with us always, there is a peace there, which is sometimes hard to come by. We love the time we spent together and love the family we got to visit!!!

Grandpa Came To Town

2010-02-12T10:07:00.005-07:00

It is always fun when the Grandparents come visit. My dad came this week for a few days to visit us, especially the boys. As soon as Grandpa Butikofer walked in the door, Mikey was attached to his side. He brought more jam (Raspberry/huckleberry) for Mike (it's his most favorite) and delicious butter cookies from Aunt Tari for Josh (an entire gallon bucket of them; that should last us a few days!). It's always a hit to poor Grandpa's self-esteem with comments from the boys like "Grandpa can't bowl, he is too old!". And when they made the WII "me", so Grandpa could play, it is totally bald and, shall we say, a little portly. But he puts up with them. . . and says he loves it! Now, I hope this doesn't scare the rest of their grandparents from coming to visit!

3 Months

2010-02-03T13:39:00.002-07:00

Although it seems like an eternity to us, it has only been 3 months today that we lost Luke. We are, very much so, still struggling to do the day to day things. But I have found some things that have helped me and I thought I would share:

Books:
Teardrop Soup; When your Prayers Seem Unanswered; Understanding Death; The Gateway We Call Death; If God Loves Me, Why This?

Quotes:
"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together. . . There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart. . . I'll always be with you."~Winnie the Pooh

The best way to have Heaven in your home, is to have someone from your home in Heaven.

“God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.”

Tidbits:
Learn to look for joy in the moment. Learn to celebrate what you do have. Change the way you look at things.

Find the light that your loved one brought to your life. Find the music of your loved one and listen to it if only in your memory. Our loved ones laughed and giggled and sang. Find that memory, appreciate it, and honor it by the way you live.

We still have so far to go, but appreciate your love and prayers and thoughts!!!
We love you still and forever, our Luker boy!

The Cabinet

2010-02-01T20:24:00.005-07:00

Here are some pictures of our latest project. Brian made me this cabinet for blankets and stuff in the T.V. room. As you can see it looks very similar to The Hutch. Although this was not as painful to paint as The Hutch, it was painful enough that I have vowed never to do it again. Or, at least, for a VERY long time! Enjoy the work of my brilliant husband!

Post About Nothing

2010-01-28T10:29:00.002-07:00

So I really wanted to post something new. . . I am very sick of the snowman music, as most of you are too, I am sure. But, I don't have anything going on right now of GREAT importance, so I am posting on the things going on of not-so-great importance. Like, I am cleaning the house today, which I can't understand, because it just gets dirty again anyway, but I am compelled to clean! Oh, the boys are in their second week of karate, and they love it. Um, I got my 24 CE credits done that I have to do every 2 years so that I can continue to be a registered radiographer who stays at home and doesn't take x-rays. We MAY have sold the truck. . . . a guy from Oregon is coming to look at it tomorrow. And, I got my lesson done that I have to give on Sunday to the Young Men and Young Women on Sunday. So there you go. . . an entire post on nothing.

Our Visit

2010-01-15T21:15:00.003-07:00

So, two weekends ago, we went to Idaho Falls for the Butikofer Christmas party (which was sooo great-I love you all so much!). But, before we could party, we went to visit Luke.

It had snowed a little (picture me holding out my arms as wide as possible), so we had to hike back through a foot of snow to get to his headstone. So we get there and dig him out. Brian and I are just taking it all in when Josh and Mike decide to build Luke a snowman, which then turns into 8 snowmen. I thought we had a picture of all of them, but we forgot the camera in the car, so Brian took these with his phone.

But, I think the best part of the visit is when the huge snowball fight erupted. It started innocent enough. . . Josh threw one at Mike and Mike lobbed one back. Then Brian started throwing some and then, well, then I taught them all the finer points of a snowball fight, if ya know what I mean.

I have to hope that Luke was there. . . smiling at all the ruckus!

It's "Snow" Much Fun

2010-01-01T07:44:00.007-07:00

Brian and I have been doing A LOT of projects lately and last night was no exception. One of those projects was rearranging the shed so that we could get the "Who would you be?" tree into said shed. Now, it has been snowing all day but last night, it started to pile up and it was good snow. So we get the tree into the shed and come in for some well deserved hot chocolate, when Brian comes in grabs his gloves and goes back outside. And this is what he was up to:

He decided it would be funny to make the boys a snowman:
Here he is rolling up the snow!

Assembling!

Finishing!

And for the best part, the boys' reaction!

The Hutch

2009-12-31T08:35:00.003-07:00

Brian made me this hutch for me for Christmas. . . he couldn't hide it from me, so he put it in the house with a sign that said "Do not paint until after Christmas". So, for two weeks, I agonized over what color to paint it. I looked online at other hutches, printed out pictures of what I liked, had my friends come over to tally which one they liked. It was a painful process. But, finally Christmas came, and I could now paint the hutch. Now, I DO NOT like to paint, which is odd because I have fond memories of my mother painting the kitchen of our house at 2 A.M. because she thought it needed to be done, then a year maybe two later, doing it again. I lived in that house for 18 years, so I would bet there are at least 10 coats of paint on those walls. But you see, I did not get that gene. I got the "it's a pain- it will make a mess-it will take forever-I do not have the patience for this" gene. But, it had to be done. So when the decision needed to be made, I decided to go with artist canvas (off white) with a brown wash. So after 2 coats of artist canvas, sanding, more sanding and even more sanding, and, putting the stain on, just to wipe it off, AND all of this totaling about 11 hours of work. . . . I give you. . .DRUM ROLL. . . The Hutch.

I've been NATIVITIED

2009-12-23T20:36:00.004-07:00

How do I expain? Hmmmmmmm? Well, we have some good friends here in Kuna who have this nativity (it was given to them by a grandmother). My friend thinks it is a little, shall we say, lacking in beauty. So a few of us were joking with her about it and she basically told us that we'd better watch what we say or it may end up in our yard. . . guess what, it did tonight. So the jokes on me this year, but watch what you say or else it may be in your yard next year!!!!!!

Isn't it lovely. . . it is even pre-lit!

Josh's 3rd Grade Music Program

2009-12-17T19:33:00.002-07:00

Josh had his 3rd grade music program yesterday. He did a great job of singing and other that the fact that I didn't have a battery charged to record it, it was great (No, worries though, I stood in the back with it plugged into the wall the whole time!). Here are some pictures of Josh's cute self:

Luke's Tree

2009-12-17T18:55:00.005-07:00

The people at Brian's work purchased a tree in memory of Luke to plant next to the green belt in Kuna. It will be nice to have something to visit in his memory. Here are some pictures of it. . . it is a Blazing Maple!

Here is what it looks like now,(it's like me right now)it's asleep. It isn't growing or producing, it's hibernating:

And here is what it will look like in the fall. Beautiful isn't it? Here is hoping that I can make it to autumn.

The "Who Would You Be?" Tree

2009-12-06T20:36:00.005-07:00

Today was tough, like all Sundays have been. But it turned out to be pretty good. . . at around 5:30 there was a knock on our door. It was my friend Gail Jenkins and her husband Kjell. They had bought us a Christmas Tree. You see, Gail has wanted to go to Salt Lake City, to the Festival of Trees, to buy herself a tree. So this year, her children pulled their money together and gave it to their Mom and said go get your tree. So what did she do, she bought me a tree instead(I know, bring out the kleenex).

So here is the story of my tree:

A family decorated this tree in honor of their 3 sons who had died, two as babies from a lung problems and one that was murdered when he was 20. She wrote a poem entitled, "Who Would You Be?". The end of the poem says:

Your chance was not taken?
Nor, was it stolen away.
You have fulfilled God's plan,
And you can't stay

I'll try not to cry anymore.
I know where your suppose to be.
It's just sometimes I wonder,
Who would you be?

On the tree are different boys dressed up like a doctor, or fireman, or sports person, or a policeman. It is such a beautiful gift! THANK YOU Jenkins family! We love it!

Luke's Birthday

2009-12-02T15:41:00.005-07:00

The entire day yesterday, I reminisced about Luke's life; how he came into the world and how he loved life. I would like to share, for this, what would have been his 2nd birthday, those memories.

I had to convince Brian to have another baby and he finally consented when he felt like our family wasn't complete. We began trying and got pregnant right away, actually the day of ( I know, TMI!!!). Nine months later, our family was finally complete with the birth of Luke. He was 6lbs. 6 oz. and was 21 inches long. He grew quickly and I remember often telling him to STOP growing. I knew he was our baby and so I relished in every moment with him, every 2 AM feeding, every sick moment, every milestone passed. Everything was such a joy. He was walking at 11 months and after that he quickly went to running after his brothers. My favorite memories of him were of us cuddling on the couch together. . . .I would lay on my back and he would get his blue blanket, and I would lay it on my chest, the silky part up so he could stroke it with his index finger while he sucked his thumb. I really miss that! He loved to crawl up on a chair and launch himself over the couch. He would laugh and do it over and over again. He was determined, happy, and just wonderful. I have felt recently that I was in the presence of greatness when he was here. What a great spirit he must have had to be able to have fulfilled his mission on earth in 23 months.

On his birthday we went to Idaho Falls and took balloons to his grave. Some of our friends and family were there to give of their greatly needed support. We drove home to find our kitchen table FILLED with cookies and cards from our ward family remembering Luke. We feel so loved and I am so grateful to all of you. We also did a cake for Luke. . . it was so hard to blow out those candles for him. I am grateful to know that someday I WILL be able to see him grow up. . . to see the man he is.

Happy Birthday, our Luker boy!

Being Thankful

2009-11-26T09:43:00.002-07:00

Today is a hard day. . . . it is hard not to think about what this day was supposed to be like. . . the boys eating turkey and potatoes and watching Luke eat olives off his fingers, just enjoying being together as a family. And now. . . .well, its different. But, I do still have some things to be thankful for:
-My boys that I have here. . . Brian, Josh and Mike who help me to laugh.
-Brian's wonderful work, they have helped us so much!
-Our families, who care about us so much!
-The knowledge we have of the gospel.

I know this list is short, but I hope to continue to work on it. Someday, I hope that I will be able to know why we had to do this and just maybe, I will be thankful for this trial, but that is not today.

Be Still, My Soul

2009-11-12T21:05:00.004-07:00

This is, without a shadow of a doubt, the worst thing EVER. We miss him everyday; we want to be with him everyday; we want to kiss, hug and play with him everyday. There are no words that can take away our sorrow and nothing takes away the pain, believe me I have tried. . . . not even cleaning.

We have had moments of peace, moments when he seems to be here. The knowledge we have of Eternal Families has been a great strength to all of us. Thanks to everyone who prays for us on a daily basis. . . I truly believe you are a BIG reason why we can get up in the morning. It is going to be a long journey. . . .I know that every day I make it through is one day closer to Luke.

Luke--Mommy, Daddy, Josh, and Mikey love and miss you so much. We are going to try to endure to the end so that we can see and hold you again.

We may rest assured that all things are controlled and governed by Him whose spirit children we are. He knows all things from the beginning to the end and he provides for each of us the testings and trials which he knows we need. President Joseph Fielding Smith once told me that we must assume that the Lord knows and arranges beforehand who shall die in infancy and who shall remain on earth to undergo whatever tests are needed in their cases. This accords with Joseph Smith’s statement: “The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth.” -Bruce R. McConkie

Until we meet again, my Luker boy, our mister Luke.

Spooks and Goblins Galore!!!

2009-11-02T13:31:00.003-07:00

Halloween was really fun this year!! The boys wanted to be army men and Luke was a giraffe (I love hand me downs)! Luke got the hang of the trick or treat thing FAST. He was very polite and would always say Thank You after he got the candy. . . what a good boy. . . the melt down didn't happen until after we got home and we took his candy away because it was time for bed.

Josh and Mike love getting all the candy and then coming home to make it into piles. . . the good stuff pile, the gross stuff pile (Dad takes that one to work), and the Mommy pile (this one contains all the nut containing candy, YUMMY!).

We love Halloween!

Great Hunter

2009-11-02T13:15:00.003-07:00

Brian has been doing A LOT of hunting the last few weeks. . . pheasants, chucker, deer. . .

if its moving, look out. Well, this last Thursday was no exception, he got this 3 X 3. And there is a great story that goes along with it, so if youwant to hear it, call him up. And to get you interested, it took at least 4 bullets in this deer to get it down. What a hunt!!!

BOO cake

2009-11-02T08:40:00.001-07:00

For Halloween I channeled my inner Martha and created THIS.........

Look What Luke Can Do, Part Two!!

2009-10-22T13:01:00.002-06:00

So here are a few more great things Luke is doing:

Like taking out the trash . . .or becoming one with the trash (and yes, he went straight to the tub after this was taken!)

Or doing the Josh take down:

And last but not least, climbing whatever he can, like his brothers bunk beds (Grandma Butikofer, you may want to avert your eyes!)
I uploaded the video to youtube to get it to work! So scroll down a little!

Luke video and Pics 023

2009-10-22T12:53:00.001-06:00

Look What Luke Can Do!!!!

2009-10-13T06:56:00.004-06:00

So I think I finally had a kid that I will NOT have to send to speech therapy!!! Luke has an extensive vocabulary for his age and will try to say anything you ask him to. So I took a little video to share with you, and as you can see I had a harder time trying to come up with words for him to say! But, I'll let you be the judge of his brilliance, because I am obviously bias!

A Fisherman's Tale

2009-09-27T15:16:00.003-06:00

Now, as all of you know, fish stories usually consist of forms of the truth. . . ya know, like the one that was this big (visualize arms stretched out as far as they will go) but my line broke and it got away, but the story you will read today is the truth. . . I promise. It starts out like many other stories with a BEAUTIFUL Saturday morning.....yep, birds were singing and everything. We decided it would be a good day to go fishing for the last time of the season. So we headed up to Lucky Peak Reservoir. We got the boat in the water and took off to find a good fishin' spot. Brian found a great spot and the boys were excited to get their poles in the water. . . including Luke. Now, Luke is not yet at an age where I consider giving him the BEST pole. He gets the one that doesn't work correctly so that when (yes, I know its a when) he throws the pole in the lake, I won't get too upset. But he wanted to fish, so I got a worm and strung it on his pole and since you can't cast his pole (it's broken), I unwound the string by hand into the water and gave the pole to Luke. He dipped the top of the pole in the water and brought it up and bobbed the line up and down and up and down, but wouldn't you know it, he was the first one to catch a fish. . . all by himself. The only way I knew he had a fish on was because I though he was going to throw the pole into the water and I grabbed it by the line and felt something tugging on the other end. I couldn't believe it. Well, it wasn't big enough to keep, so we threw it back and put another worm on and let him have it. . . .BAM. . . another fish. Needless to say, Luke, the 21 month old caught the most fish yesterday. And,because for it to be a good fish story there can be no evidence, I forgot to take my camera so I have no pictures of Luke catching his first fish.

But to end our story I do have a picture of Mike, who caught the biggest fish of the day (unlike his Dad who caught a whopping 2 incher).

I do love a good fish tale!!!

Picture Time

2009-09-19T20:37:00.006-06:00

You all know that I looove to take pictures of my cute kiddos, well, today was no exception!! I wanted to share with you all how very cute they are so let me know which ones you like the best!

Elk Hunting

2009-09-12T11:23:00.003-06:00

So, after a few times of bow hunting for elk with Brian this week, I am really beginning to wonder what is the point? Here is the story:
Monday, 3:30 A.M. (Sondi, I actually got up then, instead of going to bed then, try it!) get up to go. . . . . . . . . . (lots of dots mean something really poignant is about to happen). . . . . . . 9:00 P.M. arrive home with NOTHING, didn't see anything, didn't hear anything, after 12 hours of walking, nothing. So we tried our chances yesterday, Friday. It started out good. . . another 3:30 wake up and off we go. We get to the hills and are walking by 6:30 A.M. We hear a bull bugle and we are off to get him. We find him and he is a nice 5-point, but I can't get a shot so Brian and I decided to go to a different area, and Brian (who did a great job of calling) got another one to come in, he was another 5-point and this time I did get a shot, a 15 yard shot and I took it and the arrow went in and he ran away and we waited an hour to go track him and we found the blood trail and we tracked it for 250yards and we looked and looked and looked and then, and then, and THEN, we lost him.

So again, what is the point? Is it really supposed to be hiking for 12 hours a day to come home with nothing? I ask you, is that fun?

So here is a picture of what he would have looked like! *sigh* *sniff* *sigh*

The First Day. . . of PEACE!!!!!!!

2009-08-26T09:50:00.003-06:00

So today is the first wonderful day of school. The boys were so excited to go, they wouldn't even let me take them to school!!! To be truthful, I will miss them and the house seems so quiet without them here, but as I sit here in the quiet, I begin to think. . . yes, it is so quiet I can actually think. . . .this is going to be nice!! So here is the annual shot of my two boys going off to their big day. AND Mike finally lost his first tooth, so here are some pics of his cute grin!

(P.S. In reference to Josh's shirt: This is what happens when Dad goes school clothes shopping!)

Who Could Ask For Anything More?

2009-08-02T19:41:00.004-06:00

We took a quick trip to Silver Creek Plunge this weekend. It is one of our favorite spots to go--you can go swimming, fishing, hiking, biking, wading in the creek--it is a FUN place to go camping! This year we even got to go huckleberry pickin'! The boys were so excited, and they ate as many as they picked. And tonight, Brian made it into YUMMY homemade huckleberry ice cream! Here are some of the highlights! I would like you to all notice that in the fishing pictures it is dark outside(it was 10:00 P.M.)--I know, I know, I am turning over a new leaf. But I am turning slowly, because you'll notice Luke is in bed! :)

Butikofer Reunion

2009-07-28T07:13:00.003-06:00

This last weekend was the WONDERFUL Butikofer reunion. It's when my brothers and sisters and our families get together. This year it was in Kamas, UT where Time lives. And since it was the 24th of July, there was A LOT of things to do. We went to two parades and got oodles of candy. We went swimming and even got to go a Demolition Derby, where cars got turned over, wheels went flyin', and one guy even lost his drive line!!! Brian, and Tim, and Matt went riding in the beautiful mountains of Kamas, and came home with tall tales and broken tails too! But I think the best part was having steak and shrimp at 10:30 at night and talking until midnight (even though I complained the next day, it was worth it!). Thanks Tim and Billie Jo for a wonderful weekend and I can't wait until next year!!! And since I was far too busy having fun to take pictures, I really need someone to send me some! Thanks!

Let the Camping Begin

2009-06-28T22:14:00.006-06:00

This last week, we had our first camping trip of the season. And let me tell ya, it was fantastic (except for that tick I found after we got home. . . a story for another day!). We left on Tuesday and headed up to Ketchum (the kids called it Ketchup!). We stayed at Easley Hot Springs. It was a beautiful place. . . I haven't been that close to the mountains in a long time and I loved it. We got to swim for a couple of hours in the wonderful hot springs before turning in (I'll have you know my kids didn't go to sleep until 9 P.M. or later every night!). On Wednesday, we got up and drove to Mackay to spend the remainder of our vacation. Mackay is very close to Brian's heart, and it was sooooo good to get to go back. I just love it there, and I can see Brian and I living there someday when our kids are grown. We spent the rest of the week there. We went riding on Thursday with all the kids--Brian on the 250, Josh on the 50 and Mike, Luke and I on the 4-wheeler (sorry no cc number for that one!). We rode the Mackay Mining Trail. We went about 16 miles,not to bad for Josh's first trip by himself. He did great and only got knocked off the bike twice. It was amazing to see how they made towns in the mountains like that. Those people had courage!!! Tari and Mom and the kids came up to see us on Thursday night. It was great to see them and we got some good fishin' in too! On our way home on Friday, we stopped at the Craters of the Moon. The boys loved hiking through the caves. I hadn't been there since I was little so it was neat to see it again!! It was a very relaxing trip and I hated to come home, but I am looking forward to the next time we get to go. . . maybe you can come with us!

Taylor Reunion-Christmas in June?

2009-06-28T21:59:00.003-06:00

Well, the Taylor side of the family started a new tradition last year. . . to do Christmas in the summer rather than trying to figure out how to get together in December, so we gathered together in Twin Falls last Saturday to try it out for the second year. Even though the weather was a little skecthy, we braved it out to have a pretty good time. Our kids love playing with all the cousins and of course, they love getting the presents!! Thanks everyone for coming and making the effort to be together! We love ya!

Why do you love Dad?

2009-06-21T09:07:00.002-06:00

Because he is nice! I love him. He’s fun. . . he likes to ride the motorbike with me.
---Mike

Because he helps us and he’s nice! I like it when we play UNO together.
---Josh

I love him because he works so hard for us. . . .never has he let us down. He is a great Dad, I can tell how much he loves his kids, even when it is difficult.
---Jan

I love to cuddle with Dad. He knows how to make me feel better!
---Luke

Josh's Day

2009-06-10T15:32:00.008-06:00

Josh ready to get dunked!

My cute guys!!!

Families are Forever!

Josh and Mason-Go Kuna 2nd Ward!

Some of Josh's Grandparents!

Taylor side-4 Generations

Thanks everyone

What a great day it was. Josh was excited all day to be baptized. . . we had to wait until 6 P.M. for his baptism. We got up Saturday morning and went to JB's for breakfast. . . YUMMY! Then started the long wait. At 4 o'clock we had a dinner and then we were off to the Stake Center. I cannot get over how big he looked in his whites clothes, even now it brings tears to my eyes. I am so grateful he made the decision to be baptized. He is an amazing kid! And we want to thank everyone who made the LONG trip to Kuna for it and all of you who couldn't come but called and let us know you were thinking of Josh on that day! We love you all very much and we are grateful we have such amazing family and friends!

Ready, Set, GO!!!

2009-05-31T14:46:00.003-06:00

Last Thursday, Josh got to go to his first Pinewood Derby. He drew how he wanted the car cut out and knew what he wanted it to look like, so he and Brian worked hard to make it just the way he wanted. Josh had a lot of fun that night and took 4th place out of 14 cars. He also got an award for the best paint job, which was thanks to his great Dad (who painted the flames)!!! We thought that was pretty good considering it is his first derby!!! Here are some pictures of the night!

Picture Day

2009-05-24T18:03:00.007-06:00

I love picture day!!! Because of the boys' B-Days we decided to do pictures yesterday and these were some of the best ones. . . it is amazing how one can take 80 pictures and only get 8 usable ones, but that is how it is for us!! I think they turned out so very cute, but I need your input. For those of you who have been at my home, which one of the boys together would you blow up (16 X 20) to put on the wall? Let me know what you think by leaving me a comment! Thanks!

OUR TOP TWELVE

2009-05-17T16:11:00.005-06:00

Brian and I have been married twelve years today. We were reminiscing this morning about the day we were married; how he used to be so attentive and I used to be thinner. And then 3 kids and a dog and 3 houses later, we are still very much in love, but life is crazier. So we have come up with the top 12 things we love about being married to each other:
1. Shall I say "our love"-that's all I'm going to say 'bout that!
2. I can have anything built that I want (okay, that one is just for me).
3. Eternal best friends--I know, sappy.
4. Really good omelettes (again, a Jan thing)
5. Josh
6. Mike
7. Luke
8. The fun we have together, whatever we are doing!!
9. I found someone who will take anything I dish out and vice versa.
10. Kissing (again more for me than Brian)
11. We have learned so much from the trials we have faced together.
12. Eternal happiness (Ahhhhhh, tissue anyone?)

I love you Brian. You are the greatest man, husband, and father!

Happy Birthday to My Boys

2009-05-08T07:52:00.001-06:00

I can't believe they are a year older. . . Mike turned 6 yesterday and Josh turns 8 on Sunday. Where does the time go? Yesterday we had a family party for Mike and after he opened his presents, we watched old videos of them when they were little. It was so fun to see how they have grown. Mike has always been my lovey kid who takes the ups and downs in his stride. And Josh has always been the one who strives for perfection and cannot sit still. Last night, Lexie and Kaleb called to talk to Mike and Josh, Josh was talking on the phone pacing up and down the hallway. I thought to myself, poor kid, it's in his genes.

I love my boys so much. Being a parent of these wonderful boys has taught me to enjoy the little moments of laughter that always seem to happen when I am at my whits end. I am so grateful to have been blessed with great kids!

Taylor All-Stars

2009-04-23T19:32:00.003-06:00

Well, maybe not all-stars yet, but they are getting there. This is the first year Josh and Mike are trying out baseball-Josh is in coach-pitch and Mike is in T-ball ( and they are both the number 9, what a kawinkiedink, huh!). They both are enjoying it so much it almost makes it worth it. And I say that with all the love I can, but, when I am running my kids to this and that, I can't help but think of my poor mother who did this for her 5 kids. Running back and forth, to this practice and that, in the cold, the wind, and sometimes even the rain. I never understood until now what a sacrifice it was for her. So thanks Mom for being the best Mom and doing that and never making me feel like it was too much of a bother!! Hopefully, I will endure it as well as she did!!

What A WICKED Weekend

2009-04-05T18:10:00.006-06:00

It took a LONG 5 months after we bought the tickets, but finally the day arrived when we got to go. . .the countdown started about a month ago. . . every day I got to mark off one more square on the caledar; I thought it would never happen, but finally we were off. . . .off to see the Wizard (eeerch, back up, wrong play). . . off to see Wicked.

We (Tina, Angela, and I) left Saturday morning at 7 AM and got to Portland, OR at 2 PM (1 o'clock their time). And let me tell you it was well worth the 7 hour drive. We walked around Portland for a while and then went to our hotel and got ready for dinner and then we were off to the show. And can I just say, WOW! I am still just in awe at the talent of the actors. . . they were AMAZING.

It will take a while to wipe the smile off my face!!!

The Mighty Hunters

2009-04-02T09:24:00.003-06:00

On Monday, Brian and I had the opportunity (because Brian won a half price hunting trip) to go pheasant hunting.

Ya know, I have been hunting with Brian for many years. We go elk hunting, deer hunting, moose hunting (hopefully this year), but I think that bird hunting is my favorite. It's the excitement of not knowing when you are going to have a bird fly up in front of you that makes it so fun. And it is so much fun to watch Lily work. This was the first time we have taken Lily out to hunt and she did really well. She pointed the birds and covered the area well (which was tough to do since it was over a 100 acres).

We ended up with 5 birds, 2 roosters and 3 hens. We saw 7 but missed two. The only part I hate about hunting, is the clean up. It is a mess and you all know how I feel about messes. But the fun of it all and being able to be with my hubby makes it worth it!!!

Condo Fun?

2009-03-17T08:16:00.005-06:00

Where do I begin? So last week we had planned on going to spend some time snowmobiling at Island Park. We do this every year, well, we have done it for several years because Matt and Sondi have a time share up there, so basically we crash their party. This year we were really excited because we knew we would get some good riding in because the kids are older, we had Mom and Tari lined up to come babysit. . . it was going to be GREAT.

So Sunday, the 8th, just two days before we are going to leave, Luke get sick. And not just the sniffles sick, he is throwing up sick and has the worst case of the runs in history. But after just 24 hours, he is doing better, still has the runs, but we decide that if no one else gets sick, we will still go. So Tuesday comes and we "head for the hills".

That is where the fun begins. It is a 6 hour drive from our house to Island Park. In that 6 hours, we went through 10 diapers and 5 outfits with Luke. It was like every half an hour, he was pooping through everything--up his back or out the side. His poor bum so so red and sore. But, eventually we get to Island Park. We have a nice dinner with Matt and Sondi and family. Luke continues to poop up a storm going through-and I am not exaggerating-almost one entire package of diapers and an entire package of wipes in 24 hours.

Now onto Wednesday, Mike starts with the runs and complains that his stomach hurts. But, at least this kid can hit the toliet. Brian says his stomach doesn't feel the best either, but he is not so miserable that he can't go riding. So Brian, I, Kaylee and Sophie take off for a couple hour ride and Sondi babysits my kids, which was so nice. Wednesday night, the Butikofer's have to go home, but they leave Sophie with us. We go to bed around 11 and I am not feeling so great, but I think it will pass. Well, around 3 AM, I get out of bed after tossing and turning for the last few hours and throw up. I feel better and get to sleep until 6 when Luke woke up. Not a very restful night, but at least I start to feel better.

Cue Thursday. So today is the day Brian and I are going on our ride. Mom and Tari are coming up with Tari's kids. It will be so fun. Just kidding. . . Sophie starts throwing up. So needless to say, Mom and Tari come up, get Sophie, and go back home. It was so great of them to try and I really missed not being able to visit with them that day. The rest of Thursday, we take a ride to Big Springs with the kids and feed the fish and ducks and go swimming as a family, so all was not lost. . . or so we thought. Thursday night, around 10 PM, Josh pukes. Oh no, it gets better. You see, when Mike and Josh went to bed that night, Mikey's stomach was hurting so Brian put a garbage can on his side of the bed. Josh felt just fine so no garbage can on his side of the bed. So in an attempt to hit the garbage can, Josh ended up puking on Mike. Oh and it even gets better. . . Mike didn't wake up. He was still asleep when Josh came to get us. So we had to wake up Mike to clean him up and the sheets. Josh came out the better on that deal, for he had no puke on him whatsoever!

So now we are onto Friday. Our last day at the condo. We got kicked out at 9 A.M. We thought we had until 10 A.M. so we had to throw everything in the car very quickly, but we decided to go for one more ride because NOW everyone was feeling better. This ride was actually very fun. We rode to this little cafe in the mountains and had lunch (ironic I know). We get back from that and decide that no one is going to want to be around us, so we are going to head to Kuna today. So we leave Island Park around 3 PM. Get to IF around 4:30 PM. Brian visits with his Mom and Grandma, while I sit in the car with the kids so as to not get Grandma sick. We go to my Mom's for a quick bite to eat and a short visit :( and get out of IF at 7 PM. Now Brian and I are thinking that the kids will sleep most of the way. It will be fine. And granted the older ones were great, but Luke left much to be desired. I had to hold him the last hour and a half of the trip and oh no, he wasn't sleeping, he would just lay for a second then change positions and cry a little then lay down again and he did this over and over and over. . . well, you get the idea.

So we get finally get home, put everyone in their beds, and feeling like we had been through a war more than a vacation, Brian and I went to bed, leaving the incredible mess 'till morning.

That was our fun and frustrating (that's for you Sondi) time at the condo this year. Aren't you all glad you couldn't go too!!?? And as you can see I don't have any pictures, well, because I forgot my camera. As I always say, it is what it is!!!

Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

2009-02-23T21:26:00.004-07:00

I am in one of those good spots as a Mom--ya know, when your actually enjoy your kids more than they drive you crazy. Don't get me wrong, we still have our moments, but for the most part, we have tons of fun together.

The first picture of Josh and Luke was taken last week when the weather was warm and sunny. It is so great to see Josh grow up into the role of oldest brother. He loves being able to take care of Luke. And Luke just loves him.

The next pictures were just funny because Luke brought me Josh's sweatshirt and wanted to put it on. These pictures just reaffirm that Luke is just another one of the boys!!! Isn't life just grand?!

A New Addition

2009-02-14T09:55:00.001-07:00

We are excited to announce that we are EXPECTING a new addition to our family. We have been waiting a long time for her--yes its a girl--to come to our home. Even though I am so happy, I think Brian is the most excited!!!

We even have a name picked out for her--it's Lily!

Welcome to the Taylor Family Lily!

What's New?

2009-01-25T11:21:00.003-07:00

Well, I bet you all been wondering "Where's Jan?", "Why hasn't she posted in the longest time?" (not really because I know that you all have better things to do than worry about me, but in Jan World, people worry about me). And in answer to all your burning questions, I started to think about what I had been doing these last two weeks and this is what I came up with.

Well, I last posted on January 8th, after that rivoting post, I took Luke to the doctor to check the tubes in his ears. They looked fine and he was doing well!!! The next few days after that were unmentionable until we get to the week of the 12th. Busy, Busy!! I had appointments and watched lots of kids (lots). Then about on Wednesday I noticed that Josh had this cold and it was accompanied by lots of wheezing. I decided to take him to the asthma doctor on Thursday to which she told me that I needed to give him oral steroids and treatment every few hours. He was so bad that she wanted me to keep him home from school to do the treatments. So after several days of that he finally was doing better.

Now this brings us to around the 19th. Another week of meetings and stuff, but this week, Brian was off the ENTIRE week. How nice, right? Maybe we would get to do something together like go snowmobiling. Well, Luke started running a fever on Thursday. Every 3 hours he had to be given drugs to keep his fever down. We have no idea why he had the fever, he just did. A new form of parental torture maybe? Anyway, today is the first day he has not had a fever. It mysteriously went away just as mysteriously as it had appeared.

And to top it off, Brian and I DID plan on doing some snowmobiling, but it has been so warm here that the snow all melted and it hasn't snowed all week until today. . . .a good couple of inches today. Just in time for Brian to go back to work tomorrow!!!

So there ya have it!! This is what's new here!!!

Playin' Around

2009-01-08T08:57:00.001-07:00

I had to post Luke's first experience in the snow. I finally found him a snow suit and so I suited him up (he WOULD NOT wear his boots) and we went outside to play. I thought he would go right for the big snow pile, but he stayed just where I had shoveled. He had a great time. I think we have another outdoor boy on our hands!!! Mike is such a great helper! He always help me shovel the driveway!!!

The Bed

2009-01-08T08:43:00.005-07:00

My Brian has made a lot of things in our 11 1/2 years together. . . . he has made side tables and entertainment centers, frames and shelves, even a swing for our front porch! In 2000, he made our first bed. He decided to make it out of log poles. He worked so hard on it and it was beautiful. Since that time, he has made several other log beds and even made log bunk beds. But recently, my amazing husband decided to make a bed for the guest bedroom. It is my favorite bed that he has made so far. And that is saying a lot, because when he told me what he wanted to do, I didn't think it would turn out, BUT I was totally wrong. And here it is:

I CAN'T BELIEVE ITS OVER!!

2008-12-27T11:21:00.004-07:00

YA FEELIN' LUCKY, PUNK?

SOME OF THE CHRISTMAS SPOILS!

MIKEY'S NEW BEST FRIEND, CITY THE TRICERATOPS!

LUKE AND LEXIE PLAYIN' ON THE STAIRS, A RATHER DANGEROUS PASTIME OF THEIRS.

DOESN'T THE GINGERBREAD HOUSE LOOK GREAT!

It is always amazing to me how quickly Christmas is over. Because, at least for me, I wait for it all year. It's the best. . . to put up the Christmas decorations and the trees (yep, we have two) and wait for Santa to come. And then it happens. Christmas morning arrives and in about 30 minutes, your done! What a shame I say!!!

We did have a great Christmas as you can see from the pictures. Tina and Nathan always have a Christmas Eve party where the kids decorate a gingerbread house and get to break open a pinata. It is always so much fun!! Brian got to be home this year for the first time since we have lived in Kuna! So that was very nice. And the best part of all, we actually had snow to make this Christmas just GRAND.

We hope you all had a wonderful Christmas too and we are looking forward to having lots of fun in 2009!!!

First Snowfall!!

2008-12-16T15:50:00.002-07:00

Luke looking longingly at the boys playing outside!

Maybe if I smile REALLY big she'll let me go outside.

Josh is quite the snow shoveler!!!

Mike is having a ball in the snow!!!

It is always the best to have the first snowfall of the year be just before Christmas!! It just never seems quite right until it is all white outside. Now, I know for you Utahans that this looks like just a skiff, but let me tell you, this snowfall caused quite the commotion here in Boise. Laugh if you must, but I am very grateful for my 2 inches of snow!!! But I am not enjoying our very, very cold weather. It isn't supposed to get this cold over here. we hope you are white where you are!!! Merry Christmas!!!

Thanksgiving Extravaganza

2008-11-30T10:05:00.007-07:00

I was lucky enough (some say stupid, I say lucky) to have Thanksgiving at my house this year. Both of my brothers and one of my sisters came with their families. I have to say, preparing for 21 people to come was a scary undertaking, but the moment they all got here, it was like all the worry disappeared. I so enjoyed everyone being here. And I was so sad when they all left. . . . because, yes it was CRAZY and CHAOTIC when everyone was here, but now it is so empty and quiet. Even though I didn't think I would, I liked the crazy and chaotic better.

So what did we all do for three days. Well, we of course did the Thanksgiving thing, with all the trimmings. Thank you to Tari, Billie Jo and Sondi for ALL the AMAZING help!! On Friday, we did a so very cute craft (thanks Billie Jo and Sondi). And went to Chuck E Cheese's for Kaleb's birthday--we were all so HAPPY Grandma Butikofer came!!!!! On Saturday, we did Luke's 1st Birthday party. Everyone decided to go home on Saturday. . . maybe they were sick of us or it could have been the fact that Sondi and Kaleb had a touch of the stomach bug and they just didn't want to get sick. Either way, I am sooooo grateful you all came and I hope you all can come again soon.

And here are some of the highlights:

Luke didn't care for his cake!

But Cameron and Tari did a great job on the frosting!!

Tim has "pretty's" in his hair--so beautiful

The cute craft