And So It Begins.....

"And so it begins....." 

This is what Brian texted me last night when I told him I wanted it to be January.

I always get excited to get out my Halloween decorations, and I always forget that by the end of putting them up, I am sad. 

They are a reminder of the last month we spent with our son.  What would you do or say, or how would you act differently if you knew you only had 4 more weeks with someone you love?  3 years ago, I only had 4 more weeks with my Luke.  4 weeks to love on him, kiss on him, hold him, put him to bed, bath him, play with him.....just 4 more weeks, and then it would be over.

I am trying to remember those last few weeks with him.  I wish I would have known that those last few weeks of memories would have to last a lifetime.  I would have written more down, recorded him more so I wouldn't forget.

I asked Brian last night what his memories are that he goes to when he thinks of him, and I love that they aren't the same as mine.  He reminded me of just how big a personality Luke had. 

Wow, I miss that kid!

Laugh Baby Laugh

Vincent Van Gogh once said,

"If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle."

Oh, it is grand!



This kid certainly knows how to work the system. 

You see, he started waking up 2-3 times a night again instead of the blissful once a night we had been experiencing for almost a month. 

I have been at my wits end and exhausted and started wondering why did I do this again......

And then he started to laugh.......

And I said, oh yeah, that's why!!!

A Day In The Life Of.....ME

Well, when you have a baby, a lot of your days are doing the same old thing, day in.....and day out. 

Someone told me recently that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  Well. . . . . call me insane. 

I keep thinking if I put Ben in his crib for a nap, this time he will sleep for 2 hours.  NOPE!

 I think, if I just have the "be nice to your brother; he is your brother for ETERNITY" talk with Josh, then he will be nice to said brother.  NOPE!

If I do all the laundry, it will stay done.  If I mop the floor, it will stay clean. If I eat that piece of chocolate cake, I won't get fat.  To all these things, there is a resounding NOPE!

Ah well, I guess we all are a little insane, right?

Bathtime

Benjamin just loves baths.....he kicks and splashes and smiles.....he loves the water!!!

Here is a little taste of what it is like to bath this kid......I don't know, but I can see another Michael Phelps in the making!

And, yes, he is a cute chubby thing.....he is almost 16 pounds!!!!!

Things Are Not As They Seem

I had an experience Saturday, one that I have had before, and one I will have time and time again.

I saw a friend from high school.  I hadn't seen her since high school.  I went up to her, in Walmart, and said the usual "Hi.  How have you been?".  I noticed a baby in her cart and asked how old she was.  Her response was that she was 8 months old and it was her one and only. 

Josh and Mike were with me and I was holding Ben.  She asked if "they" were mine and I said yes and introduced Josh, Mike and Ben.  Then she asked their ages.....which to me is the signal of "Wholly crap.....you have an 11 year old, a 9 year old and then a baby.  Why such the spread? ".   So I feel the need to say that there isn't such a spread, but we lost our third child 2 1/2 years ago. 

I hate this.  What do I do?  Do I explain that things are not as they seem?  That we have 4 boys not just 3?

It is heart wrenching to explain our family because of what happened and it is heart wrenching to not explain our family because that means leaving Luke out.

These are the two pictures I have in my head.......I just need to figure out a way to combine them..........

Forgetfulness

When you have a baby, especially when you haven't had one for a while, you forget about some stuff. 

Like the fact that they cry. . . . and sometimes they cry A LOT!

Like this:

Or they protest when you try to dress them in cute outfit, like this:

And then they poop all over said outfit 15 minutes before you should be going to church

and you are not ready yet!!  Or they will only sleep on top of you with the hairdryer running nonstop....like this:

And the reason why we forget.........is this:

And so all we can do is forget the uncomfortable (do you like how I side stepped calling this stuff bad!) and enjoy the cuteness:

Parts and Pieces

We have been enjoying every part and piece of this little guy!  I am amazed at how protective Josh and Mike are of Benjamin....."Mom, don't go over that bump so fast", "Mom, don't turn so quick", and if Ben even makes a peep, "I'll go get him!".  They will stop whatever they are doing to play with him or hold him.

Ben is such a blessing to our family. He has helped us remember that eternal perspective. . He is helping me to remember that Luke is ever present in our lives, even though he can't be seen. He is helping me to regrow some of the parts and pieces I lost when Luke passed.

Here are some parts and pieces we especially LOVE!