Thursday, November 1, 2012

Dancing With a Limp

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
― Anne Lamott  


It has been 3 years now since our Luke passed.....and we are continuing to learn how to deal with the grief and pain.  It is a lot like dancing with a limp. 
 
This is the very last picture we took of Luke 3 years ago....
 
 

Halloween Night......he was so cute.  He said "Thank You" to everyone who put a candy in his pumpkin.

The next night, he learned to crawl out of his crib. 

The morning of November 3rd, he crawled out of his crib, and knocked on his brothers' bedroom door to wake
 them up. 

By 4:30 P.M., he was gone.


“Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.”
                               ― Sarah Dessen

Our grief has anchored us in a way I did not think possible. There is no more time to second guess what I know......I need.........want.........and will get back to him!

And so, this is this Halloween. 


We just keep dancing.

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.
~ Author Unknown




Friday, October 12, 2012

Family Pictures 2012


So....we finally bit the bullet and did family pictures.  I think they turned out pretty cute!


Family 2012


Mike Age 9

Josh Age 11

Ben Age 3 1/2 months......the pants were a little tight!

The rolls!!!


My fav!

He kept pinching my butt!



I was trying to get him to stop!
  
Brian is soooo tough!!!

It is always so hard to look at pictures of our family with one missing, but I remind myself  that I need to remember this time too. 

 It is important.  It is special. 

My kids are growing up and that needs to be recorded!

I love my family!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Beam Me Up

Just listen......




Seriously, beam me up.

And So It Begins.....

"And so it begins....." 

This is what Brian texted me last night when I told him I wanted it to be January.

I always get excited to get out my Halloween decorations, and I always forget that by the end of putting them up, I am sad. 

They are a reminder of the last month we spent with our son.  What would you do or say, or how would you act differently if you knew you only had 4 more weeks with someone you love?  3 years ago, I only had 4 more weeks with my Luke.  4 weeks to love on him, kiss on him, hold him, put him to bed, bath him, play with him.....just 4 more weeks, and then it would be over.

I am trying to remember those last few weeks with him.  I wish I would have known that those last few weeks of memories would have to last a lifetime.  I would have written more down, recorded him more so I wouldn't forget.

I asked Brian last night what his memories are that he goes to when he thinks of him, and I love that they aren't the same as mine.  He reminded me of just how big a personality Luke had. 

Wow, I miss that kid!

Monday, September 24, 2012

Laugh Baby Laugh

Vincent Van Gogh once said,

"If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle."

Oh, it is grand!



This kid certainly knows how to work the system. 

You see, he started waking up 2-3 times a night again instead of the blissful once a night we had been experiencing for almost a month. 

I have been at my wits end and exhausted and started wondering why did I do this again......

And then he started to laugh.......

And I said, oh yeah, that's why!!!



Wednesday, September 19, 2012

A Day In The Life Of.....ME

Well, when you have a baby, a lot of your days are doing the same old thing, day in.....and day out. 

Someone told me recently that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  Well. . . . . call me insane. 

I keep thinking if I put Ben in his crib for a nap, this time he will sleep for 2 hours.  NOPE!


 I think, if I just have the "be nice to your brother; he is your brother for ETERNITY" talk with Josh, then he will be nice to said brother.  NOPE!

If I do all the laundry, it will stay done.  If I mop the floor, it will stay clean. If I eat that piece of chocolate cake, I won't get fat.  To all these things, there is a resounding NOPE!

Ah well, I guess we all are a little insane, right?

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Bathtime

Benjamin just loves baths.....he kicks and splashes and smiles.....he loves the water!!!

Here is a little taste of what it is like to bath this kid......I don't know, but I can see another Michael Phelps in the making!



And, yes, he is a cute chubby thing.....he is almost 16 pounds!!!!!