yes.

When you get married in the temple, you don't say I will, or I promise, or even I do. You simply say. . . . yes.

Fourteen years ago, I said yes. I said yes to a boy I thought I knew EVERYTHING about and who I thought I loved. He was a wonderful, kind and generous guy. We were ready to begin our lives together. Nothing could get in the way of our happiness.

Fourteen years later, Brian is still just as wonderful, just as kind, and just as generous as he was. But, some things have definitely changed. I now absolutely know, without question, what kind of man he is. He is AMAZING. I now absolutely know that I love him beyond ANYTHING words can describe.


This knowledge has come through laughter brought on by nutty jokes and incessant teasing from Brian's hands. Also, from the many "discussions" we have had throughout our marriage, which helped us understand each other better. I can't say we never went to bed angry, but we always resolved our disagreements quickly. And, of course, through the tears we have shed together, through our trials, we have learned how to depend on each other.

To my wonderful husband, my eternal companion, my best friend,

Happy 14th Anniversary! I love you so much! Thank you for making the last fourteen years worth it!

Ahhhh.. . . Josh is Ten!

I have a book called "So You Want to Raise a Boy". It has been a very valuable piece of literature for me in raising our sons. It has chapters on EVERY year of a boy's life and tells you what to expect as a parent.

The chapter on ten year olds is entitled "The Golden Age of Ten". All I have to say is . . . I hope that's true!!! Josh is a very energetic, but fun kid. He loves, loves, LOVES to tease anyone and everyone, which he gets from his dad! He does have a bit of a competitive streak. . . I have no idea where he got that from!!!


Josh loves school and he excels in most of the subjects, especially math, but his very favorite subject is social studies/science. Josh likes to be inside playing the computer, or building anything with everything he can find!

(I gave Josh a shirt that has this on it, and when he opened it he said, "That is sooo me". It drives his VERY outdoor parents crazy sometimes!)

Josh has come into the oldest role very well. He is starting to be more responsible and be more helpful, which is fantastic for me! He is a rule follower (except for the rules he doesn't like) and he likes to make sure everyone else follows the rules too (maybe he'll be a politician someday. . . lets hope not!).

Joshua, Happy Birthday to our Wonderful Son! We love you so much!

It's Great to be Eight

Mike turned eight yesterday. I know it is a cliche, but where did the time go?

Michael has always been our laid back kid. He always goes with the flow and he is just nice. Now, that is not to say that he did not get a smidgin of the teasing gene, because he most certainly did.



Mike loves to be outside. He loves to camp, bike, swim, jump on the tramp, play baseball, anything you can do outside, Mike is there.




Another thing to note about Mike. . . GIRLS. I don't know what it is, but Mike is a girl magnent. For instance, my kids get to have BIG, invite your friends birthday party on significant birthdays, 8, 12, 16. . . . so this is Mike's first "real" birthday party. We sat down two weeks ago to make up the guest list. On it are 8 girl names . . . that's it. And they ALL came. I can't figure it out, but Mike has a lot of friends that are girls! Maybe this picture did shape his life?!?



Happy Eighth Birthday Mikey! We love you so much and are so glad you are in our family!

Our Easter Festivities

This year, the Easter Bunny did not come visit our house, or really, I should say, he wasn't invited. Is that horrible? Am I a bad mom? Well, either way, it just didn't happen. I justified it as being a good thing. I have tried really hard the last 18 months to teach my children what the resurrection is, and what it means for our family. So, the bunny wasn't what I wanted them to focus on. . . but in my defense, they got to go to TWO Easter Egg hunts.





I didn't think that this Easter would be that difficult, emotionally. But, it was. It is hard not to be able to watch Luke scramble around finding candy filled eggs, just to find one, sit down, and eat the contents right there. I miss that so much.

We always set a place for Luke, at the table, on special Holidays. It broke my heart to put out his little cup and spoon and plate, and have no one to be there to fill the space. But more that that, Easter is about the resurrection. And the resurrection is what makes it possible to me to be with Luke again. Without that, there would be no Luke. . . there would be no eternal families. The resurrection makes it all possible and that makes the resurrection so very important to me. I need to know I will be with Luke again or I will not be able to go on.

Here are some pictures of our past Easter Festivities--







Happy Easter Luker Boy!

Take Your Meds

I went to the temple today.

Everytime I go, I just hope that Luke will be on the other side of the veil.

And he is. . . in a way, I guess. Just not the way I hope for.

I can't wait for the day when he is physically there. I know it will happen. It just has to.

I had a friend say she could tell I was still struggling. Well, its true.

I think this is the best way to describe grief--it is like having a nonterminal, incurable, but mangeable disease. . . like diabetes or asthma.

I will always have grief. But as long as I take my meds--prayer, reading the scriptures, going to the temple, listening to the prophets, talking to WONDERFUL friends--my grief is mangeable, not gone, but manageable. So, yes, I struggle from time to time. I always will. But I'll manage. I'll take those prophet prescribed meds and hope it stablizes me.

And then there are those days when I don't take my meds. I'm doing fine so I go off of them or I don't want to have grief, so I rationalize that if I don't take my grief medication then I don't have grief.

That's when I slip into a grief coma. . . .

And to get out of that takes lots of tears. . . . and cherry pepsi.

There is a quote that says "Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief."

And so would I. The precious memories I have of Luke are irreplaceable. I am eternally grateful I have them and that he is ours FOREVER!

The BIG Reveal

Brian made a wonderful entertainment center for us when we moved into this house. But as time went along, I, being a girl and all, decided it was time for something different (and a little bit smaller). I looked and found MANY things that I wanted to buy, but Brian was against buying something he could build. But he did consent for me to try to sell the old entertainment center and said he would build another one when the old one sold.

Well, I sold it a couple of months ago. Brian has been working on it pretty much nonstop, unless he was snowmobiling (we must have play with our work, isn't that how it goes?). So, here is the new entertainment center. I am still trying to decide if I love the paint job, which was my thing, but the build of it is EXCELLENT.

Brian--you are AMAZING!

NOTE: The green is a little bit darker that it appears in the pictures-- so what do you think?

Hey. . . Look What We Can Do!

So, Tina and I went shopping last week. We decided to hit the D.I. to see if there was any furniture we could redo for Tina's house, and we saw this:



Now, most people would look at that and think to themselves. . . "It is an old, ugly, and VERY dirty chair. Who would ever want that? Anyone who would want that chair would have to be crazy!!!" Enter Tina and I into scene. Because we thought, "That chair has potential!" So we took the chair home. And after hours of staple pulling and fabric pulling and hair pulling, we had stripped the chair bare.



Then came the fabric selection process. I must say Tina is really great when it comes to making decisions. . . nope, nope, that's a lie. She stinks at it. But she finally picked out something that she liked, or at least, she hoped she would like, eventually. And, then, it came to the FUN part, putting the chair back together. With power tools in hand, Tina and I set out to finish this project.



All in all, it was a lot of work, but a lot of fun. And now we know we can do it. . . . so now, Tina wants to redo her couches. Deep breath.