Terrible Two

Ok.....so maybe the title isn't completely accurate.....two isn't so bad.....IF this kid wouldn't have been hospitalized twice already......or IF he wasn't absolutely and totally spoiled because of his cuteness.....or IF he wasn't my 4th child, but only the 3rd one to reach this age.......that fact is just......I can't describe it....

I haven't had a 2 year old for 11 years......what do I do with that?   Embrace it?  Hate it?  It is what it is?

I can't really tell you how I feel about reaching this day....Ben is two....Luke never turned two.   Do I think about that a lot; well, lately I have.  They would have loved each other so much.  He would have loved having a playmate and brother closer to him than 9 years apart from him.

But, this is our life.....this is what our family looks like......Luke is always there with us, just unseen.  And that I just have to live with.

So today, our baby boy turned 2 and it was a PARTY!  He loves dinosaurs....a love he gets from his brothers!  So we dinosaur-ed it up.....the cake, the pinata, and the presents!

He is such a delight.  He is super cute and we just love to kiss his cheeks off!

Here is a sampler:

And this video is just stinking adorable!  Forgive the outfit.....he had gotten wet from the pool at the Auntie's house and she graciously gave him a t-shirt to wear!  I love that he just let the ladybug crawl wherever!

13,11,and 23 months

Those 3 numbers have been circulating in my head this week.....as it is birthday week for my oldest boys...

Josh turned 13 today.....am I ready for a teenager.....I submit that I AM NOT.

Josh is my responsible, and caring, but a relentless teaser.   He is smart and has a dry sense of humor, just like his dad!  He is an A type personality but lets it all go when he plays his drums!

Mike turned 11 this week.   

Mike is loving and lovable.  He is the first do to what is asked of him.....most of the time.  He is relaxed and just goes with the flow.  He loves playing baseball and playing the guitar and flute!

And then there is Benjamin.  He turned 23 months today....which in a normal household wouldn't be a 

big landmark day....... 

but in ours, it is a reminder of all that we lost 4 1/2 years ago.  If Ben shared the same fate as his brother, he would be gone in 2 days......I know we shouldn't, but it's hard not to think that way.   But what can you do?  We can't live our lives in fear or despair of what awaits around the corner.....we just have to live....and have an enormous amount of faith in what awaits for us on the other side.....for I know it will be glorious!

I am glad to be a mother to 4 amazing sons....it is a privilege always, and just plain hard sometimes.........

 just the way it's supposed to be!

April is for Fools!

So this month truly started off with a BANG when Ben broke his leg.......

He was at my gym's daycare and tried to step up on a bouncy ball, which of course rolled out from underneath him..... and BAM.....broken tibia.....

But it has already been 3 weeks in his cast, and it is off!  He is doing so much better but still limps around like he has a cast on.  

This last Saturday, I ran the half marathon Robie Creek....it is wicked hard.  The course is 8.1 miles up a mountain then 5 miles down the backside of it.  It.  Was.  Painful.  But such a good accomplishment.  The last time I ran it was 4 1/2 years ago, 6 months after Luke passed away.  I was in such a bad place then.  This time, I could think of him and smile.  I wanted to make him proud of me.  

And a few days before I ran the race, I had a birthday--olé!!  Turning 36 wasn't that bad at all!!  But I am a birthday lover!  Bring on old age baby!  I am almost ready for that rocking chair......just need to get a few more miles under my belt!

For Shame, For Shame

I cannot believe that I haven't posted in over 2 months......for shame, for shame.....

But you see, I have been SUPER busy......January was filled with kids going back to school and getting back to normal after Christmas break.....February was our family vacation and the high school play Pirates of Penzance (I helped with costumes and hence the title of this post).......but that is no excuse, especially when I have cute photos like this to show the world.....

Don't you think the tag line should read:

"You feelin' lucky Punk?"

Ben is almost 21 months old.  And the closer he gets to 23 months, the crankier I get.  I have tried to analyze why this would be, but don't come up with a good answer.  I know he is safe and nothing is going to happen to him just because he is 23 months old.  It crazy what the mind will do to you!

Our family vacation this year to Island Park was pretty great.  We got to visit and play with our families which is always nice when you don't get to see them very often!

Yep.  Josh is officially as tall as both his grandmothers, but I only got the picture of Grandma Butikofer (she doesn't look happy about it....hehehehe).  I love it!

And here is our Ben being the big boy he is,

Sometimes, it just hits me how blessed I am.  I have a good husband, 4 wonderful boys, great and crazy family....I am a lucky girl......

Don't ya think?

It is Christmas yet?

Ahhhh.....the day is almost upon us and I am finally ready for it to be here.

We put up the decorations a month ago, and I don't know about anyone else, but
putting up the decorations to me DOES NOT make me want Christmas to come......it's a pain......
we have boxes upon boxes to open......things are strung here and there.....let's just say Christmas's guts are flung far and wide......although the end results are pretty amazing.

This week though, I wanted to play that good 'ole Christmas music....some Bing and Frankie.....those boys hit the spot......and start the Christmas baking.....yummy.....and the goodie eating.....not so great but totally necessary!

And Christmas time just wouldn't be complete without several ornaments crashing to the ground and shattering in a million pieces, or some Christmas lights being hung all over the ceiling of my car (thanks Josh) or having to go to SEVERAL different school programs.....

Oh.......what's that you say....you would like to see one of these programs.  That is your ONLY Christmas wish......very well.  Here you go.......Merry Christmas!!!

How They Have Grown

I have wanted to post these next pictures for a while......

We lived back east for a couple of years while Brian was going to school.  So my sisters made Josh and Mike these shirts.....on the front of them it said  "I love my Aunt Amy the mostest, she's my favorite.....shhhhh, don't tell."  then on the back it said "I love my Aunt Tari the mostest, she's my favorite....shhhhh, don't tell."  Josh was almost 4 and Mike was almost 2 when we received these adorable shirts in March of 2005.

Aren't they adorable?

It has now been 8 and 1/2 years since we got the shirts, and we must retire the shirts, just barely......and my boys are SUPER sad, but its time.......

They got some good use!  And were super loved!  Thanks Aunt Amy and Aunt Tari!  You still are loved and are the mostest favorite!!!!  

6 is Full of Tricks

Luke's 6th birthday is today.......just 6 short years ago he was just 4 hours old.....oh, how I wish I could go back in time.

I have had a hard time this year....I have been on the verge of tears for a week now.

One tradition we have in our family is that whoever's birthday it is gets to pick what we have for dinner....so Mike asked me tonight what Luke's favorite dinner was and said we should have that for dinner......but, I couldn't  remember what his favorite dinner was or his favorite food.  I hate that.  It depresses me that I had this beautiful boy and I can't remember what food he liked most.

I think the thing I want to know most this year is what he would look like and act like as a 6 year old.  What would his voice sound like?  What kind of attitude would he have?  Actually, I think I know that one.....

I can't wait to see you again Luker.  I love you beyond measure and want you to know that we think of you everyday.  Happy 6th Birthday Cookie Lukey!