So True

I just finished reading a book by Ann Hood entitled " Comfort, A Journey Through Grief". It was a good book. It described exactly how I am feeling. My favorite part of the book was this:

Grief is not linear. People kept telling me that once this happened or that passed, everything would be better. Some people gave me one year to grieve. They saw grief as a straight line, with a beginning, middle, and end. But it is not linear. It is disjointed. One day you are acting almost like a normal person. You may even manage to take a shower. Your clothes match. You think the autumn leaves look pretty, or enjoy the sound of snow crunching under your feet.Then a song, a glimpse of something, or maybe even nothing sends you back into the hole of grief. It is not one step forward, two steps back. It is a jumble. It is hours that are all right, and weeks that aren't. Or it is good days and bad days. Or it is the weight of sadness making you look different to others and nothing helps. Not haircuts or manicures or the Atkins Diet....Grief doesn't have a plot. It isn't smooth. There is no beginning and middle and end.

It is so true. I have even thought in my mind. . . if I just get through the first year, it will get better. After reading that book, and talking with other people, it never gets better. It is always there. I used to think that couldn't be true. That I just couldn't feel this way FOREVER. That someday, I would be able to be blissfully happy again.

The truth is--THIS is my reality. It will always be there, in the back of my mind and in the forefront of my heart. I must just accept it. Accept it. ACCEPT IT.