Hmmmm. . .

People are always asking me how I am doing. . . which I still really appreciate. . . . I often say "fine, we're doing fine" but most of the time, in my head, I say "Hmmmmm." And, what does that mean? Well, I wish I could explain! I wish I could convey that sorrow that Brian and I feel everyday. I wonder, if I could explain it better, then it would feel better. I would feel better. But I can't explain "it". "It" to me is happiness with a generous hint of despair, laughter with a tear in your eye, moving forward while running backwards. . . what, this makes no sense. . . you are right, it doesn't. It has been 9 months since Luke died. 9 months since I felt him and held him and dressed him and kissed him. Who knew 9 months could be an eternity.

S. Michael Wilcox, who wrote When Your Prayers Seem Unanswered, said "One day, no matter what reason we may have for unhappiness; whatever trial we may face, have faced, or are then facing; one day they will all come to an end. "God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away" (Revelation 21:4). The tears will be wiped away. That end we may hope for. That end we may be assured of. In the meantime we may know that whatever happens he is going to turn it into good for us. Let the mountain waves crash. Life will be sweet eventually."

Life will be sweet eventually. . .