Belated Christmas Post

How can it be that we have spent five Christmases apart?  A lot has changed in the five years you've been gone.  Your brothers are taller, stronger, very much young men instead of the boys you left behind.  Of course, we added another brother....which meant we had to change your room a bit.

The only thing that has stayed the same, and in fact, stayed in the exact same spot, is the Christmas sock.  I will never forget the circumstances in which I found it either.

Five years ago on Christmas day, as one might expect, I was inconsolable.  Tears just kept flowing.  We had opened all of our gifts and the boys were playing contently.  I went up to your bedroom--everything was still in its place.  Clothes were stacked neatly in the closet waiting to be worn for some great adventure.  Your toys left posed, awaiting your return that would never come.  Your blue blanket draped over your crib never to be used again.

I went into your room because I just needed to be where you had been;  where you had enjoyed life.  I laid down on the floor, tears streaming down my cheeks.   I glanced around the room and I noticed something under your bed.....a sock.  I had been in your room hundreds of times since that horrific day and never noticed it before.  And then I remembered, you always took off your socks during nap time, and the day you passed was no exception.  One must have fallen behind your crib to the floor for me to find six weeks later.  It was a very precious gift from you.

Every Christmas since that one, I go lay on the floor in your old room and stare at that sock.  It is still there.  In the same spot.  I don't know if I will ever move it.  It reminds me that you are still alive and such a part of our eternal family.  It is my own Christmas miracle.

I love you my wonderful boy!
Mom