Handy Husband

Brian has ALWAYS disliked our mantle.



I thought it looked just fine, but he wanted one that wrapped around the fireplace, so..........he decided to build one! It only took him 3 days to build!! Take a good look at that mess--see you all thought my house was never a mess. It drove me crazy, but I kept my cool for my wonderful, hard working husband.




Here it is, finished and ready to be painted. That became my job. . . .



And, it turned out beautifully! Just don't look too close to the paint job. I am no professional and I wish I would have hired someone to paint it (not that Brian would have let me). Don't you think I have a handy husband?

Security Blankets

I remember as a child having several "security blankets"......I had that one special blanket that could comfort me when nothing else could. I still remember what it used to smell like. When I would get really sick as a child, I liked to get into a pair of my mom's flannel pajamas that were green and white striped. It always made me feel just a little bit better to be in them. I had a stuffed bunny that I got one Easter that I slept with every night. My chin fit perfectly in between its ears and I could just snuggle into it and everything became fine. The funny thing is, I don't know where any of those things are anymore or when I stopped using them. I must have moved on or grown up or something to not need them, right?

Yesterday, I let go of another security blanket. But this time, I will remember every second of losing it. We took down Luke's room yesterday.

After Luke's passing, his room was a source of pain for me. I wanted to take it down several times in the months that followed his death, but Brian insisted we needed to leave it, and darn it, he was right. His room became my security blanket. It was comforting. It was what we had left of him that was tangible. It stood for everything we needed to remember for 2 1/2 years. And now it's gone.

It was gut wrenching and horribly sad and I really, really wish I had my blanket, my mom's pj's, and my bunny.

Hi-Ya!!!!

Josh and Mike both tested last night for a new belt in karate. To get their belt, they have to endure whatever the sensei told them to do for however long they were told to do it.

Last night it was 2 hours of them doing push-ups, and jumping jacks, and sit-ups, and their forms. I was exhausted just watching them. But they did it and earned their new blue belts!

Here are some highlights:

Let it Snow!!!

Last week we went to Island Park to go snowmobiling. We have been doing this for about 10 years with my oldest brother (who has nice enough to let us come up to their condo). But last year, we had the oppourtunity to obtain our own condo. So this was the first time we used it! And it was fantastic!

It started snowing the day we got there and didn't stop until we left. There was powder galore! We got to go to my favorite places like Mesa Falls, Big Springs and Meadow Creek Lodge. It was good to get away and be together.

Of course, we missed our Luke. That hole is always there. But, I am beginning to accept the hole. In a way, I need the hole. I don't want it to ever close. It's what I have left to help remind me of him everyday.

The Big Reveal

So we had our BIG ultrasound last week and we found out what we were having. . . .

I think this picture says it all:



Yep.

Four boys.

Apparently, that is all we know how to make.

I am excited and scared to death. It is harder than I thought it would be. . . .

I didn't think I would be so unhinged by all the decisions we have to make--should we use Luke's crib or not; should we use his room or not; should we use his clothes or not. Every decision we make reminds us that Luke isn't here.

But there is a flip side to the grief. It is joy. . . . that another wonderful spirit will be joining our family. And although he won't remember it, he is with his amazing brother Luke right now.

It is a wondrous thing that joy and grief can live side by side in my heart.

But, they do.

So Grateful

There is no way to explain the how grateful I am for my knowledge of the gospel. It has saved me. . .comforted me. . . inspired me. . . and now my children are beginning to put together the principles of the gospel too.

Today, during Sharing Time, we had a guest teach the children about the Plan of Salvation, or what we sometimes call the Plan of Happiness. When we got home from church, Josh went into Luke's room and drew this on the dry erase board.



He drew the Celestial Kingdom. Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and family are there. Today we learned that this is where we want to make it to--the Celestial Kingdom-- so we can be with Heavenly Father and Christ and our families. But Josh added "L.T". . . . Luke Taylor, and a smiley face. It made my cry. This truly is our Plan of Happiness.

And like Josh said. . . we will see him at the Kingdom!

I Wonder

A blog that I stalk had a post about this picture.

I can't stop looking at it.

I wonder if this is how it is sometimes. Does Luke get to comfort me? Is he around me and I don't realize it. That thought makes me sad. I want to know when he is around me, but to be honest, I can't feel him. I hope he is there. I still talk to him sometimes, but nobody answers. It's just a crazy lady talking to the air.

I miss him. I want him here. I want his new sibling to know him.

But, reality is too strong to change any of my wondering or wanting.