Here is Luke's tree. . . it looks so different than the way I feel. I'm still stagnant. I'm still asleep. And I'm hoping that when I do wake up this will have all been a bad dream. . . .
But, like the tree, that is growing and green, life has kept going. There are times when I am gratefully pulled along by "things". But, there are times when I want to dig my heels in the dirt and say NO. Not without him. Not without my baby. Not without my Luke.
But, Luke is just like the tree. He is alive. He is vibrant. He is still learning and growing. I know this. I do.
But, it doesn't change the hurting. It doesn't change the wishing. It doesn't change the aching.
I guess I am sort of like the tree. . . .when the wind blows through it, leaves still fall off. The leaves are small and some are even brown. The tree still has a long way to go before it is strong enough to withstand the wind and the cold. I still have a long way to go. I hope I will become strong again, or just, strong enough.
2 comments:
Jan, I still have those days when I want to let go of that tree, and it's been 7 years. Hold on, the light will come. We love you, and we are praying for you. It will get a bit easier, I promise it will. Just hold on.
You are stronger than you think. I know you probably don't want to be, but you are. Luke is always with you. And we are always here to love you through it!! Love you!!
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